Seabass’ Diary…Day 157…Close (only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades)

August 28, 2017-“QUICKLY!” I screamed at Simba as he scrambled to get out of the window and onto the sheet. Amelia lurched forward and made a grab for his back leg but thankfully missed.

“Faster!” Simba cried, and I thought that he was going to climb right over me. Staring at the back end of him was less than pleasant, and he had the horrible habit of farting when he was afraid. I did not want to be downwind from him at any time much less right now. I stopped cold; All of the sudden it was as if we were moving in reverse.

“What’s happening?” I shouted to him.

“She’s pulling the sheets back up to the window!”

I looked down and realized that we were now almost 10 feet off the ground and rising. We had no choice but to jump. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“WE HAVE TO JUMP!” I yelled, “NOW!”

I prayed that Simba would blindly follow my instructions and that we would land safely. As we barreled to the ground a hundred thoughts went through my mind; Would we escape? Would the fall break our legs? How am I going to get out of these pink pyjamas?

THUD. I hit the ground feet first and was grateful that the ground was soft. I expected another THUD, seconds after I had landed, that would let me know that Simba had landed safely, but it never happened.

I looked up to the window, and there was Amelia. She was holding Simba at the same time that she slammed the window shut. He had once again been captured, and it was up to me to save him.

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Seabass’ Diary… Day 155…Prince of Darkness

You didn’t think I forgot to write this post, did you? 🙂 I’ve been saving it for Black Cat Appreciation Day which is today; Talk about a great way to celebrate with my black, house panther Seabass and his diary of adventure!

August 17, 2017-I stared at Simba for a second and waited for the sound of footsteps thudding down the staircase to cease; I had to be sure that Amelia wasn’t returning.

I counted to ten and then blew out a sigh, “This is insanity!” I shouted. “We are literally being held captive by a child! A CHILD!” I repeated. “By the way, you look ridiculous!” I snorted at Simba.

“I look ridiculous…really?” Simba said and rolled his eyes so hard that I was certain they would fall right out of his head and onto the floor.

“Nevermind, get this off of me and let’s get out of here before she gets back!” I hissed.

I jumped out of the carriage, and Simba followed suit. The pink pyjamas tangled around my feet and I fell flat on my face. “Don’t even…” I said as I glared at Simba who was covering his mouth with both paws as he tried to force the laughter back down to his gut. He could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t kidding.

“Hold still!” He commanded as he tugged on the zipper of the pink pyjamas. “It’s stuck.”

“What do you mean it’s stuck?” I said.

“I mean it’s stuck, your hair is stuck in between the teeth of the zipper; I can’t get it down!”

I started to panic. The only way I was getting out of these pyjamas was with the assistance of someone else. Amelia zipped me up so that the zipper was on my back and not in the front and there was no way I could reach it by myself.

“We need to get out of here!” Simba said as he slid the blue, frilly night gown over his head and tossed it into the corner. I knew he was trying to annoy me on purpose by doing this, but I ignored his feeble attempt at humour.

“And how do you suppose we do that? The door is shut, and we can’t reach the doorknob.”  He was really starting to get under my skin.

“The window,” Simba said as he pointed to the sill. He jumped up gracefully, took out his sharpest claw and slashed an opening in the screen that we could both fit through.

“After you My Lady,” Simba said with a stupid grin plastered across his face.

“You shall address me properly…I am His Lordship or The Prince of Darkness,” I spat as I brushed a pink frill out of my face and headed for the window.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 3

March 30, 2016-Last night the large human had ham. It was agony to watch him eat it..he taunted me with every delicious bite but be sure I will exact my revenge. While the humans weren’t looking I formulated an ingenious but dangerous plan…I would steal the ham off the counter. I steadied myself on the counter and made the 20 foot leap across the room, I landed on target and pushed the plate onto the floor. Success!..but only for a moment. The small human came rushing in and pulled me away from my feast. She continues to mistreat me.

I awoke to the grasp of the small human. She and the large human have a very comfortable nest so I try to take up as much space as possible. I suppose there is a trade-off for my comfort…I must let her touch me but I insist on biting her hand every time to remind her of my power.  I vomited my breakfast on the carpet to show her my dissatisfaction with the menu that never varies…I also think that she is trying to poison me. I watch her scrub the carpet and while she is doing this I climb onto her back to get a better vantage point and to look for a possible escape route. My father Simba and I are served small, dry nuggets each morning at varying times due to the small human’s laziness. I’ve retreated to my lair because I know that the humans will not be able to reach me on the highest shelf of the laundry room. There is a window and sometimes a squirrel that I watch…oh if only I were free like him to frolic in the afternoon breeze…his very being reminds me of my oppression. I hate him. Today I shall try and sleep away the horror of this place and escape into my dreams of a better life.

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The deplorable conditions of my current lodgings…look away.