September 12, 2017-I’ll let the video speak for itself!
April 1, 2016– Simba fears that the small human will starve to death so he brings her sustenance in the form of various items he scavenges …this is why I think they are in cahoots with eachother and are plotting my demise. I will be extra vigilant because I don’t know what they are conspiring about behind closed doors. I tend to believe that the small human is not hungry but is just too stupid to hunt …Simba seems to take pity on her but I never will. I have been storing small scraps of meat in the furnace grate to keep up my strength and because I never know when my next meal will be.
Today I will be keeping watch from my perch on the back of the couch and surveying the neighborhood for any approaching danger. I do hope the zombies are out this morning, I have formed an alliance with them as they could potentially free me from captivity. It has been 2,190 days in these deplorable conditions and it is more than I can bear. I practice my evacuation drills by running at top speed down the hallway and down the stairs. I repeat this four times every day at precisely 2am. I finish my training by sharpening my claws on the new carpet at the top of the staircase. I will shred the fabric to my liking unless the small human lunges at me which often happens. Sometimes she does capture me, (most of the time I cunningly elude her grasp) but I push my paws onto her face to make space between us. She speaks to me in some sort of imbicileinan language that I cannot understand. I swat at her face and she releases me immediately…such a wretched woman.
I am making progress with my plans for the large human of which he is unsuspecting. I am bending his will to my own and have made him my litter box butler. I deliberately scatter the gravel all over the floor so he must clean it up…Peasant. I’ve located the newest piece of furniture and stretched up as high as I can…I dig all ten claws into it and slowly pull down. This pleases me very much, the feel of leather between my toes is glorious…it is the only pleasure I have.