Seabass’ Diary …Day 137…Struggle

March 20, 2017- (Forgive me for missing last weeks post! I was in London England at the London Book Fair and while it was wonderful, I’m glad to be back home. Without further adieu…)

My heart almost stopped at the sight of her.  She was surrounded by hired henchmen and was fighting with all of her might to free herself but it was no use. The tall, thin human let out a laugh and I wanted to destroy her.

“Oh dear!  Look at the petulant soul, trying to free herself to no avail!” she chirped delightedly. She glanced at us and smiled.

I pulled with all of my strength on my restraints once more but there was no chance of getting free of them. I had a plan and I prayed that it was going to work. I looked at Bernard and saw that he had been muzzled upon capture but luckily they didn’t think to do the same when it came to me. The van pulled up close to the back door and the tall, thin human jumped out and made her way over to the small, stupid human. The small, stupid human writhed in anger as the tall, thin human yanked her head back by her ponytail.

I hated to see her like this and swore revenge on her behalf. I looked at Simba and he looked back at me as if to read my mind. The van doors flung open and one of the henchmen reached for me, the large, stupid human head-butted him and broke his nose in the process! Blood rushed down his face and the henchman fell backward onto the gravel as he clutched his mouth and nose.

“You’ll pay for that!” another one of the henchmen promised.

He lunged at the large, stupid human and wrestled him to the ground. Someone reached for me and I sunk my teeth into their flesh and bit down as hard as I could. I was released with a scream. The henchman swore loudly and tried to stuff me into a duffle bag. I wouldn’t have it and if I had to spend my last minutes on this earth putting up a fight, so be it. Until the bitter end, I was committed to going down swinging.

I managed to roll myself off of the van floor and onto the gravel driveway. I growled and spit with all of my might and I could tell that my captor was afraid. Simba and Bernard followed my lead and did the same.

I looked for the large, stupid human and he was still fighting to get free of his restraints. I could see that the tall, thin human was racing in our direction and her face was twisted with fury.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 136…One Shot

March 6, 2017- My heart dropped in my chest and I thought that I was going to pass out. The tall, thin woman was taking us to the small, stupid human but it didn’t matter because in mere minutes our fates would be sealed.

I looked at Simba; on the outside, he seemed calm and collected but on the inside, I thought he must be feeling the same way that I do. He has a very special relationship with the small, stupid human..she was his rescuer. He was found in a cardboard box abandoned in the pouring rain as a kitten. He wandered out of the box and the large, stupid human spotted him at the corner of the yard. The small, stupid one lured him into her arms and from that moment, they’ve never been separated. It made me want to cry, not just for him but for myself. And what about Bernard? He didn’t ask to be a part of this, he was only trying to help us.

This was my doing. This all happened because of me. At that very second I decided that the large, stupid human was right, this was NOT how it was going to end. I glanced over at the large, stupid human and formulated a plan. It was a long shot but at this point, I was willing to try just about anything. I could tell that the wheels were turning in everyone else’s mind too as I stared into their blank expressions.

If this was going to work I had to be patient…I’d have to wait until we were dragged into the warehouse. The van came to a sudden stop at a gate and then started moving again. I could barely see out the front window but I could tell that we were going around the back of the building. We wheeled around the back of the building and I saw that the building backed onto a huge lake. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a huge freight door that was opened. The small, stupid human was restrained by handcuffs and shackles and duct tape covered her mouth. img_7902

Seabass’ Diary…Day 113…Evidence

August 30, 2016- I paced back and forth as I tried to think of anything we could do to find the small human and alert the large one. I was fresh out of ideas so I let Simba have the floor. “Do you have any ideas?” I asked. He paused for a moment.”What if we…no. Nevermind,” Simba said sullenly. I could tell that he was quickly starting to lose hope and that I would have to be the one to think of something.

I looked around my lair for inspiration. My eyes scanned the room and came up with nothing…this was going to be difficult. “If I were a madman hell bent on revenge, where would I take someone?” I said as I tried to put myself into Henri’s shoes. “We need to go back upstairs…I feel like we missed something.” Simba did as I said and we entered the dining room once again. This time we were more thorough in our search. I glanced at the chloroform soaked rag that was still crumpled on the floor and decided to get a better vantage point. There were obvious signs of a struggle and my heart skipped a beat.

I jumped onto the table and looked around. A few papers, the resume that Henri brought and…a cell phone. “Simba, quick! Get up here, I think I found something!” I said. “What is it?” he asked. I pointed to the cell phone, “I think that it was recording the interview! I think that we may have video evidence of what happened to the small human!”  Simba’s eyes widened and I his face was wrought with worry, “What are we going to do with it? How do we get it to the police ?” I thought for a second. “Wait! That’s it!” I had watched the small human call the large one a hundred times on this device. I knew that if we pressed the number 1 that it would dial his number. It was worth a shot. “Number 1 connects to the large human…I’ve seen it many times before!” I said to Simba.

I pressed the number 1 and nothing happened. I fiddled around with the screen but it was no use, I couldn’t figure it out. A few seconds later the phone rang…it showed ADAM on the screen…that was the large human’s name! He was trying to call her! I took a deep breath and pressed the answer button. “Yell as loud as you can!” I instructed Simba and we both started screaming.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 112…He’s Right…

August 29, 2016-I shuddered at the thought. The fact that the small, stupid human had been taken was terrifying. If I knew anything about her though, I figured the kidnappers would bring her back within the hour because they were tired of her. I could just imagine them tossing her a bottle of water and her saying, “No. I don’t like this kind. Do you have any ice? You can’t seriously expect me to drink that! I want a coffee…non-fat, no whip, extra hot, double shot something or another.” She would definitely wear them out and I sincerely hoped that this happened.

“What are we doing? We can’t just stand around here! She needs our help! What if she’s…”Simba said and I interrupted him. “Calm down…she’ll be ok…I have a feeling.” Simba was pretty much hyperventilating at this point so I put my hands on his shoulders. “We will look for her. Follow my lead,” I said and I tore down the stairs to my lair. “We need to alert father some how! I don’t know how to reach him!” Simba said. “What?…” I paused, “You can’t be serious…that’s what you call the big, stupid one? Father?” I said incredulously. “Yes. He is my father and you should call him that too! He takes good care of us! You need to stop calling them stupid and start being thankful that they took us in. We would have been in real danger and still living on the streets had they not rescued us,” He said angrily.

Images flashed into my mind from the day Simba and I were taken from our family, tossed into a cardboard box and left outside in the rain. The big…human spotted the box in his backyard and came to our rescue. We have been with him ever since…that was more than 7 years ago. I supposed I should be grateful. He was a great father. I looked at Simba and said,”You’re right…we need to find the small human and alert the big one of her disappearance…but how?”

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 107…Not Quite…

August 22, 2016-The stupid humans once again were alerted to a police presence at the prison and returned from wherever they had gone that evening.The police seemed to be at the prison a lot lately but I thoroughly enjoyed the publicity. The officer handed me over to the small, stupid one and explained exactly what had happened. He said that the media was asking for me.The small, stupid one agreed to let my fans have a glimpse of my magnificence but only for a few fleeting moments.

She opened the front door of the prison and held me tight. The crowd cheered and applauded for me. The sound was deafening but I loved it. So this was what being a celebrity was like! News reporters stood in front of me with microphones; the lights from camera crews were partially blinding but it was all a wonderful spectacle and it was all just for me! It became crystal clear that Bandit was right about me becoming even more famous.

I knew that if Oprah were still on the air she would’ve wanted me as a guest on her show. I put on my most menacing smile and looked straight into the cameras. The small, stupid human said a few words about me being a hero and how she was so thankful that I was in her life and without me she would most definitely perish…or something like that. She returned me to the inside of the prison and shut the front gate. “Why does it always smell like skunk in here?” she said and promptly began cleaning up the mess that had been left by my glorious escapade. I felt waves of sleepiness wash over me and I succumbed to the gentle closing of my eyelids. If I only knew what was about to happen next, I may not have slept so soundly that night.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 97…An Idea…

August 8, 2016-I jumped down from my perch and shuddered. The sight of the tall, thin human filled me with dread. I knew that she was casing the prison and was trying to find an entry point. Panic slowly set in and I felt my heart thump against my rib cage; I didn’t know what to do. Should I wake the stupid humans and let them sort things out? Should I wake up Simba and tell him what was going on?

Neither of the options seemed suitable. I crept to the front door and noticed that flashes of light were disrupting the darkness. The tall, thin human was taking photos of the prison and of the front door. I squinted and focused on what she was holding in her left hand. She plugged some sort of device into the front lock…numbers appeared on a screen at the top of the machine. The numbers that the tall, thin human had revealed, were the digital code to the front door of the prison. I sucked in air and blew out a sigh…this was very bad. The fact that she had this information now meant that she could return at her leisure and waltz right in through the front door.

As I stared out into the darkness it hit me like a ton of bricks…I had the perfect plan. I jumped back to the vantage point and saw that the black getaway car and the tall, thin human had disappeared into the night. I raced back to my lair and began my plan of attack. There was no way that I was going anywhere with her ever again-she was out for revenge. She wanted to hurt me because I had turned over the diamond.  I knew that without fail that she would return…And when she did, I would be ready for her.



Seabass’ Diary…Day 96…Followed…

August 5, 2016- I cringed at the thought…maybe Simba was right. I muddled it around in my brain for a moment and thought about the odds…probably slim to none.I was quite sure that the tall, thin human was not so elusive that she could avoid capture-afterall, there were dozens of police and a heavy SWAT presence when we were rescued, surely they would have captured her.  Simba laid down in the corner of the animal transportation device and I laid down in the other and we drifted off to sleep. It had been an extremely trying week and we were both exhausted.

We were stirred awake by a gentle swaying motion; we had finally arrived at our destination and were lifted into the prison. When the gate opened on the animal transportation device I bolted out from it…I desperately needed to stretch my legs and use the facilities. I was happy to return to my lair…I had missed the comforts of it. Simba went to his usual post-the stupid human’s nest, and settled in for the night. All was well and I drifted off into slumber once again.

I opened my eyes to blackness. It was so dark that I could barely see a thing. I stretched and yawned and tried to roll over and go back to sleep but it was of no use…there was a faint sound of something coming from the front door. I decided to investigate. I slunk out of bed and took my post on the back of the couch…I looked out into the dark night and blinked hard a few times. The black getaway car was parked in front of the prison! I raced across the room to obtain a better vantage point and there in the glow of the moonlight stood the tall, thin human.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 95…Uneasy

August 4, 2016-I figured out why it took our stupid humans so long to come and collect us-they were waiting for grandpa to give his statement to the police. I didn’t know if the tall, thin human had been arrested or not but I felt safe in the fact that I was going far away from it all and back to the security of the prison.

As Simba and I crouched in the animal transportation device, we listened to the stupid humans speak with grandpa, “It was all over the news,” the small, stupid one said, “I couldn’t believe it!” “You didn’t finish telling us about what happened to Hannah,” the large, stupid human said, “Was she a good guy or a bad guy?” I desperately wanted to know what happened as well in this regard.

“She turned out to be one of the good guys! When she returned to the house to get her cell phone was when I hot-wired the truck…she was the one who called the police and alerted them to our location in the hopes that they would arrive before the pet hotel owner did. She also called the news because she wanted to get as much exposure as possible to help reunite the stolen pets with their owners,” grandpa said.

I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back a bit…my intuition about her had been wrong. Simba looked at me and said, “I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something tells me that the tall, thin human is still at large.”


Seabass’ Diary…Day 94…Prison At Last

August 3, 2016-We were whisked away by the police van and taken to a clinic. As we entered the parking lot there were news crews gathered on the pavement; the bright lights burned my eyes and the high pitched sound of feedback from their microphones made me cringe. The officer who was driving the van pulled around to the back and we were taken inside. While inside we were examined for trauma, microchips and general health and well being. We were all given a passing grade after about a half hour of individual examinations.

We were then put into holding cells with clean water and vittles as waited for our humans to come and collect us. One by one they filtered in; the look on their faces was a mix of hope and sadness. The news coverage was so massive that it garnered attention from the entire nation. I caught a glimpse of a headline on the t.v. that read, “Diamond Heist Havoc Leads to Dozens of Animals Rescued from Crime Ring.” How exciting to be a bit of a celebrity…somehow I knew this day would come eventually.

I watched as Caleb’s human came through the doors of the building, it was a wonderful sight to behold; he jumped on her like a puppy and licked her face so much that I thought she might fall over. What a reunion-Callisto’s human collected her next. He gathered her up in his burly arms and she rubbed her cheek against his. I waved goodbye and a bit of my heart squeezed at the thought of never seeing her again…I would deeply miss her.

One by one the animals were released until finally it was only Simba and I who remained. Our stupid humans were finally here and we would happily go back to prison.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 36…Interwebs…

May 6, 2016-I went to the internet machine and Googled the word, Marriage, on the interwebs. Yuck. According to something called Wikipedia, Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws,[1] as well as society in general.

Wed-lock…sounds like another name for a prison…hmm. My question is why the hell would anyone agree to a legal contract that outlines rights and obligations of someone, (especially with someone called in-laws…sounds scary) aren’t stupid humans smarter than that? Perhaps I just answered my own question…Anyway, back to the task at hand; Now that I knew what a marriage was, I knew what Simba was up to for sure. He was going to hijack the catering truck and consume all of the delicacies himself and distribute them among his hired minions! Not on my watch! If he was going to get delicious meats and cheeses so was I, he would NOT stop me…NO ONE would stop me! I would allow him to execute his feeble plan and then I’d swoop down at the last minute and take charge…this is how proper villains work- they allow others to do the work and then take all the glory.

According to the map I found the marriage would take place tomorrow just, a few houses down from the prison. This was especially fortuitous because I would no longer have to rent an armoured car to get there. Since the warden and the large, stupid human were at their laborious jobs, I had all the time in the world to do my detective work…apparently you can have anything and I mean ANYTHING delivered right to your door. I ordered many things; a new scratching post, a box of delectable treats, a machete, rope, night vision goggles, and a delightful mask to hide my identity! Oh and fourteen bags of catnip…for the after party of course.  I rubbed my paws together and waited for something called AMAZON to arrive.

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Waiting for the Amazon…