Seabass’ Diary…Day 21…

April 18, 2016-I had one foot out the door and could feel the sunlight on my face, what a glorious feeling! I turned around and took one last glimpse of Simba, he was sitting behind me and he smiled and waved…I had been mistaken about him and I was sorry. I would miss that old chap and would remember him fondly from this moment on. I turned back to freedom and was met with a sloppy, wet, lather of an enormous tongue that hit me directly in the face.

I lost my balance and skittered back into the doorway in shock, what was  this thing? The light blinded me momentarily and the creature came at me again, I could feel Simba’s hands on me once more as he pushed me towards the massive animal. I dug in my claws with all of my might and resisted. At the same time my vision restored itself and my eyes fell on the rope that the smaller human was holding… at the end of it was a canine.

The canine was the biggest that I had ever seen! He stood ominously over top of me and I shook in fear as he scanned my body, I was frozen in terror. My brain rattled around for a second and I screamed out, “TRAITOR!” at Simba who was laughing at my expense. This was why he pushed me towards what I thought was freedom! I swatted the canine across the face and made a break for it but alas my attempt to flee was in vain.

The small, stupid human scooped me up and embarrassed me in front of the the canine. She scolded me publicly and said, “Seabass, where are your manners? Monty is going to be our guest for a week while his family is on vacation.” She pulled me into herself and cuddled me, I wanted to rip her face off but was still panicked from my encounter with the hell hound so I did nothing.

The small, stupid human took the rope from the other stupid human and the prisoner transfer was completed. I glared at Simba…he loved canines and would have no problem conversing with or tolerating the wretched animal; I on the other hand would make this a week for the record books…I would not rest until I tortured the poor soul into leaving.

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This hound should be very, very worried.

Seabass’ Diary…Day 19…

April 16, 2016- I had formulated a plan on how to get Simba alone with the thing he was most afraid of, now I just needed to put my plan into action!

There was a pause from the small, stupid human who was cleaning above us as we were in the basement and I knew it was now or never. I turned and said to Simba, “I just heard the can opener!” This was DIABOLICAL of me!  His eyes widened and he waddled up the stairs and I wasn’t far behind him. He raced into the food room and then it happened…the vacuum cleaner awoke from it’s slumber and roared at him.It’s massive teeth whirred across the floor and gobbled up the mess. He was paralyzed with fear and his pupils dilated…there was nowhere to run-he was trapped in a corner.

I blocked the entry way so that he could not escape the monster. I was not afraid but then again there were not a lot of things that frightened me; I often taunted the machine by sitting just out of it’s reach and staring into it’s dead eyes. Simbicile started to panic, he cowered in the corner and he started licking his lips. His head swivelled from side to side as he looked for the exits. What happened next was shocking and completely out of character…Simbicile gathered all of his courage and leapt over the mammoth beast! I could not believe my eyes and was surprised by his new found bravery. I tried to contain him in the space but he bowled me over and I was knocked to the ground by his girth. He sprinted to his hiding place and I darted after him; he was under the spare nest and was shaking from the terror he had just experienced. He was inconsolable-my evil plan had worked and I had exacted my sweet revenge, but If I had known what Simbicile had planned for me next, I never would have done this to him.

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Interview With a Mad Man…Seabass

Seabass has been receiving a lot of fan mail as of late so he’s decided to answer his  reader’s most burning questions. Simba sat down with the evil genius to find out exactly what he’s all about.

Simba: “You have a lot of fans, you realize that yes?”

Seabass: Smiles, “I know, from what I understand they reach as far as Russia!”

Simba: Raises an eyebrow, “Let’s get started, first question, are you ready?”

Seabass: “I was born ready.”

Simba:”What is your favourite band?”

Seabass: “Black Sabbath…I feel a particular closeness to Ozzy Osbourne, after all, he is named the Prince of Darkness and that resonates with me…Also I’ve also bitten the head off of a live bat once or twice in my lifetime, so we have that in common.”

Simba: Shakes his head in disbelief, “What is your favourite Song?”
Seabass: “Highway to Hell, this song makes me nostalgic for home…”

Simba: “Okay…then..yes..what is your favourite colour?”

Seabass: “Black…because it’s the colour of my soul.”

Simba: Just stares at Seabass…”Oh dear…moving on, What are your special skills?”

Seabass:”I am an ex mercenary, with a third degree black belt and have extensive training in negotiating, hostage situations (in terms of taking hostages) and sniping. My stalking skills are unmatched…I’m a finely tuned killing machine.”  Does not break eye contact with Simba.

Simba:”Oh…My…Uh..” (Shudders and shuffles papers uncomfortably..)

Seabass: “Next question…” (Slams his fist on the table)

Simba:”Uhh…Ok…Uh..What do you do in your free time?” nervously asks.

Seabass: “Wow!” Cracks his knuckles, “Ok so when you try and take over the world you don’t have a lot of free time ya know?…(smiles and laughs maniacally) I do have quite a lot of fun torturing stupid humans though, it brings a lot of brightness to my day!”

Simba: Shifts his weight, won’t make eye contact, “That’s sick.” whisper tone.

Seabass: “What did you say?” eyes gleaming with anger.

Simba: “Umm, nothing, I didn’t say…” trails off.

Seabass: Stands up and narrows his eyes at Simba, “I heard what you said, be a man and say it to my face!”

Simba: Starts shaking, “I didn’t…”

Seabass: Flips the table over and walks out, “This interview is over! Go F%$# yourself!”

Simba: Looks at the mess incredulously, keeps his composure, “Thank you for joining us…an interview with a mad man indeed.”

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