Seabass’ Diary…Day 99…Package

August 10, 2016-I put all of the items into my virtual shopping cart and clicked on express/same day shipping. The receipt said that my order would be here no later than five pm-that was going to be a bit of a problem because the stupid humans would not be gone yet. I took a deep breath and decided that I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I grabbed my voice recorder again and started making notes.

“5 p.m.-shipment arrives. 5:15 p.m unpack shipment. 5:20 p.m take a break. 5:30 p.m stare down the horrible squirrel that taunts me from the back yard.” Things were moving along quite swimmingly and I was pleased with my time management skills. I took a quick nap and dreamt of how satisfying it would be to use my new taser on the tall, thin human.

At precisely 5 p.m the prison front bell rang. I gritted my teeth and waited for the small, stupid human to answer it. I had no idea what my plan of distraction would be but it didn’t matter because I was incredibly good at thinking on my feet. I waited for the sound of her footsteps but they never came. The bell rang again…no answer. Was it possible that the small, stupid human and the large stupid, human were dead? I supposed anything was possible.

I peered through the front door mail slit and saw the Amazon’s truck drive away-my package sat on the stoop. I placed my hand on the prison door and was just about to open it when I heard a muffled sound behind me. I quickly slipped into the stairwell and hid in the shadows. I peeked around the banister-it was only Simba. “Good Morning, I trust you slept well?” I asked unassumingly. Simba rubbed his eyes and stretched, “Yes…what are you doing?” he said with a raised eyebrow. I smiled my best smile and said, “You don’t want to know.” For a split second he paused, “You’re right…” he said and turned on his heels and went back to the nest.

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Seabass’Diary…Day 55…Not So Fast…

June 3, 2016- The large human looked at the uniformed one in disbelief but I could only stare at the cake… at that very second it released itself from the ceiling! It splattered all over the large human’s head and chaos ensued; He was blinded by the icing, he clumsily felt around the room for a towel and knocked over the tv that shattered into a million pieces. A  deafening crash came from the litter box room and the uniformed one pulled his gun in terror! The fridge ruptured open at the seams with all of the things that I had stuffed into it and food spilled onto the floor like an avalanche while Alvin burst forth from the closet!

The animals control had let themselves in and were swiping at Alvin with large nets…I was paralyzed with fear! How could I have thought that I’d ever get away with this? Once again my efforts to be good had been thwarted! What use was it to behave when I would only get in trouble anyway? From that moment on I decided to go back to my old ways…the OLD Seabass had returned and I was glad that he was back…truth be told I had missed him!

When I saw that my dear friend was in trouble, the fear instantly melted away from my body; I knew what needed to be done-I sprang from my surveillance space and leapt onto the back of the animals controller…who did he think he was? He was no match for ME and I would most certainly not be controlled by ANYONE! I held onto his coat with all of my might and he screamed in terror when I held my paws over his eyes-he was doing circles around the room and tried frantically to remove me by slamming blindly into the walls of the prison. I latched onto his earlobe and chomped down on it with all of my strength! He let out a shriek and Alvin headed for the door…

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