June 21, 2016-“When shall we meet?” I asked Callisto, she did not answer because Edgardo had left his perch and was headed our way; I could see that she was nervous because her whole body shook as he approached us. “Peasant!” the weird looking dog shouted in my direction…I turned around to see who he was talking to because it sure as hell wasn’t me.
His hair was fashioned into a purple mohawk and he wore a red and white sweater with a hood; I stared at him in amazement and wondered if he knew how ridiculous he looked. “Peasant!” he shouted again but this time he stood inches in front of my face. The look in Callisto’s eyes made me decide not to lunge and attack Edgardo…there was a fear that emanated from her so I proceeded with caution. “No…” I laughed, “My name is Sebastien not Peasant and we haven’t been properly introduced.” I stuck out my hand for him to shake but he spat on the floor in front of me instead. I withdrew my hand and he said, “Your name will be whatever I call you.” Who did this guy think he was? My patience was wearing thin and he was really starting to anger me. “No-maybe you didn’t hear me correctly the first time…My name is Sebastien and I will not answer to anything else,” I said as I threw the polishing rag to the floor. The room went silent and everyone stared.
Fire filled his eyes and I smiled…I had gotten under his skin. The first rule in war is to attack your enemy psychologically-get so far into their head that they can’t concentrate and remember to never show any fear. Battles were won in the mind and I was thankful that my mercenary training had served me well. Edgardo was so close to my face that I could feel his breath on my fur. “So we have a rebel on our hands do we?” he sneered and pushed me, “I have just the job for you…THE CHOSEN ONE!” he shouted as he held out his hands to the side-the other animals were silent and the tension was palpable. I flipped over the table that held thousands of precious jewels and lunged at Edgardo…I had started a riot and the room broke into bedlam.
April 1, 2016– Simba fears that the small human will starve to death so he brings her sustenance in the form of various items he scavenges …this is why I think they are in cahoots with eachother and are plotting my demise. I will be extra vigilant because I don’t know what they are conspiring about behind closed doors. I tend to believe that the small human is not hungry but is just too stupid to hunt …Simba seems to take pity on her but I never will. I have been storing small scraps of meat in the furnace grate to keep up my strength and because I never know when my next meal will be.
Today I will be keeping watch from my perch on the back of the couch and surveying the neighborhood for any approaching danger. I do hope the zombies are out this morning, I have formed an alliance with them as they could potentially free me from captivity. It has been 2,190 days in these deplorable conditions and it is more than I can bear. I practice my evacuation drills by running at top speed down the hallway and down the stairs. I repeat this four times every day at precisely 2am. I finish my training by sharpening my claws on the new carpet at the top of the staircase. I will shred the fabric to my liking unless the small human lunges at me which often happens. Sometimes she does capture me, (most of the time I cunningly elude her grasp) but I push my paws onto her face to make space between us. She speaks to me in some sort of imbicileinan language that I cannot understand. I swat at her face and she releases me immediately…such a wretched woman.
I am making progress with my plans for the large human of which he is unsuspecting. I am bending his will to my own and have made him my litter box butler. I deliberately scatter the gravel all over the floor so he must clean it up…Peasant. I’ve located the newest piece of furniture and stretched up as high as I can…I dig all ten claws into it and slowly pull down. This pleases me very much, the feel of leather between my toes is glorious…it is the only pleasure I have.