May 4, 2016-I retreated down the corridor and returned to my lair…I had no idea what to do. Should I confront Simba immediately and tell him that he needs my help? Should I assemble my own gang to perform the operation? Should I show up unexpectedly and complete a hostile take over of the mission? There were so many options! One thing I did know for sure was that they needed me-they needed me and they didn’t even know it.
I raced upstairs to the place where the stupid humans were still watching the movie. It wouldn’t be long before they would retire to their nest. The large, stupid one and the mongrel seemed in competition for who could snore the loudest; it was disheartening to know that they were the reasons for my recapture. Nevermind, I had a new goal to focus on, something else to take my attention away from my situation. Plus, I now had an escape route that led to freedom!
Simba sauntered up the stairs and tried his best to act as if he had just stirred from his slumber. I wanted to punch him in the face for betraying me like this and for thinking that he could do this on his own, but alas, I remained calm. I stared at him, if he only knew that I had discovered his plan! I decided at that moment what my course of action would be, I would show up at his operation and take over the entire thing-that way I could ensure that it would be done correctly. Besides, if he kept such secrets from me, he should be prepared for a taste of his own medicine!
April 28, 2016-The footsteps drew nearer and I held my breath in anticipation. The lights flicked on and there stood both of the stupid humans.They looked at the nest and then at each other, the look on their faces told me that they were astounded with the vision in front of them.
The small, stupid human slowly approached the nest and paused. She looked at the sleeping mongrel and he opened his eyes. Monty gave her the saddest look I’ve ever seen, it was so sad that it was pathetic actually. This would never work on the small, stupid human even if she was a total idiot-she would see through his thinly veiled plan and punish him at any moment…I waited.
She sat down on the nest with him and stroked his coat gently. He lifted his head and nudged her, she embraced him and he gave her a disgusting, slobbery kiss. WHAT WAS HAPPENING?! My jaw hung open with amazement. Had I been outsmarted by a lesser species? No, this could not be possible! My eyes darted to the doorway and the large, stupid human was gone. I emerged from my hiding place and like a ninja, I crept into the doorway of the livingroom to see what he was doing; the large, stupid human was cleaning up the mess! He swept up the shattered glass and put the room back in order in complete silence.
The small, stupid human entered the living room with the mutt.She looked around for a moment as she surveyed the damage, she finally said quietly, “So what do you think happened here?” The large, stupid human turned to her and said, “Seabass happened…I have no doubt.”
April 2, 2016- It is finally Caturday. This morning I’m feeling quite satisfied because last night there was a wonderful stroke of luck…the large human left the milk out. Because I am quite cunning, I pretended not to notice. I did not want to alert the humans to their fatal error. After the humans retired to their nest, I jumped atop the counter. To my surprise there was also a fresh, uncovered, half stick of butter. I ate the butter first. Simbicile, that’s my nickname for my father,watched the events unfold and did nothing. I took pity on him and threw the milk carton to the floor and we feasted long into the night. It did not build camaraderie between us for we drank in silence…I prefer it that way. I slept like I have never slept before…sleep, glorious sleep, which has eluded me for so long, had finally come.
I crept into the humans nest…I saw a sudden movement. I attacked with full force and the small human wailed out in agony. She shouted my name and grabbed her lower paw. I drew blood and this finally got the lazy human out of the nest. The large human did not move..I did not check to see if he was dead, but I hoped so with all of my heart. As the small human retreated to clean her wounds, I made myself comfortable. The small human shouted again but this time it came from the feeding station. She had discovered the remains of our feast. She shouted my name again and I heard her footsteps coming towards me. I immediately flew under the nest, into the corner where she could not reach me. Again…Simbiclie just sat there and watched. This angered me very much so I raced from my safe spot and lunged at him. I suddenly felt the milk churn in my guts…I projectile vomited all over him and the small human. The small human scooped me up and we headed for the litterbox room. She turned on the faucet…but I would have none of it. I bit down on her as hard as I could and she shrieked in terror, I fled to my lair and the large human still did not wake from his slumber.
March 30, 2016-Last night the large human had ham. It was agony to watch him eat it..he taunted me with every delicious bite but be sure I will exact my revenge. While the humans weren’t looking I formulated an ingenious but dangerous plan…I would steal the ham off the counter. I steadied myself on the counter and made the 20 foot leap across the room, I landed on target and pushed the plate onto the floor. Success!..but only for a moment. The small human came rushing in and pulled me away from my feast. She continues to mistreat me.
I awoke to the grasp of the small human. She and the large human have a very comfortable nest so I try to take up as much space as possible. I suppose there is a trade-off for my comfort…I must let her touch me but I insist on biting her hand every time to remind her of my power. I vomited my breakfast on the carpet to show her my dissatisfaction with the menu that never varies…I also think that she is trying to poison me. I watch her scrub the carpet and while she is doing this I climb onto her back to get a better vantage point and to look for a possible escape route. My father Simba and I are served small, dry nuggets each morning at varying times due to the small human’s laziness. I’ve retreated to my lair because I know that the humans will not be able to reach me on the highest shelf of the laundry room. There is a window and sometimes a squirrel that I watch…oh if only I were free like him to frolic in the afternoon breeze…his very being reminds me of my oppression. I hate him. Today I shall try and sleep away the horror of this place and escape into my dreams of a better life.