Really Lame Cat Jokes…

Ok everyone, here are the best of the best lame cat jokes! My nephew specifically asked for this post so enjoy and remember…these aren’t that funny…sigh ūüėÄ

  • Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
  • What do you get when you cross a ¬†baby chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
  • Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • What is a cat’s favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
  • What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
  • Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
  • What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
  • What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
  • What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
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These jokes are hilarious…and I’m not Lion!

 

 

Seabass’ Diary…Day 4

March 31, 2016-I am feeling particularly murderous today. I have annihilated a box of prey simulators and ripped the feathers off of a large stick. I’ve scattered them around my habitat to warn potential predators to stay away. I’ve practiced my ambushing skills by¬†rushing through a semi-closed barrier¬†and yelled my¬†battle cry at the top of my lungs! I burst forth¬†with such fury that it’s fortunate the small human was already using her litter box or I fear that she would have urinated on¬†herself.

My mission today is to create an obstacle course to try and assassinate the large¬†human. This is my second attempt in as many days. ¬†I leave small counterfeit¬†rodents at the top of the staircase…I lay in wait, watching and praying¬†for his demise. Also, there is a secondary trap on the bottom step of the stair…I’ve saved some of my fur from bathing¬†by keeping it safely inside of myself and regurgitating it when necessary. Today it is of the utmost importance¬†that I use it. The large human easily beats the trap that I’ve set for him and does not fall to his death, I am devastated. Once again my plan has failed. But alas, there¬†is one last hope…the cold, wet pile of fur at the bottom of the stairs. I watch and listen… The large¬†human yells something that is inaudible but if I were to guess what he was yelling I would say it was a word that has four letters. Success! Lady luck smiles upon me and although the human is not expired, I am one step closer to knowing his ¬†kryptonite. Each day I get closer to breaking his spirit and that warms my own.

I must finish this entry quickly because I fear there is a traitor among us. Simba conspires against me, of this I am sure. His loyalty lies to the small human, I oft see them together rubbing their faces on each other. Simba seems to be content with the vile woman¬†and her strict regime of cuddling; this display of affection makes me want to vomit.I ¬†will not be as stupid and fall for such obvious brainwashing. I will continue to plot my escape and one day soon I hope to¬†obtain what I so desperately search for…FREEDOM.

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The device that I’ve stolen to remove my fur¬†