April 2, 2016- It is finally Caturday. This morning I’m feeling quite satisfied because last night there was a wonderful stroke of luck…the large human left the milk out. Because I am quite cunning, I pretended not to notice. I did not want to alert the humans to their fatal error. After the humans retired to their nest, I jumped atop the counter. To my surprise there was also a fresh, uncovered, half stick of butter. I ate the butter first. Simbicile, that’s my nickname for my father,watched the events unfold and did nothing. I took pity on him and threw the milk carton to the floor and we feasted long into the night. It did not build camaraderie between us for we drank in silence…I prefer it that way. I slept like I have never slept before…sleep, glorious sleep, which has eluded me for so long, had finally come.
I crept into the humans nest…I saw a sudden movement. I attacked with full force and the small human wailed out in agony. She shouted my name and grabbed her lower paw. I drew blood and this finally got the lazy human out of the nest. The large human did not move..I did not check to see if he was dead, but I hoped so with all of my heart. As the small human retreated to clean her wounds, I made myself comfortable. The small human shouted again but this time it came from the feeding station. She had discovered the remains of our feast. She shouted my name again and I heard her footsteps coming towards me. I immediately flew under the nest, into the corner where she could not reach me. Again…Simbiclie just sat there and watched. This angered me very much so I raced from my safe spot and lunged at him. I suddenly felt the milk churn in my guts…I projectile vomited all over him and the small human. The small human scooped me up and we headed for the litterbox room. She turned on the faucet…but I would have none of it. I bit down on her as hard as I could and she shrieked in terror, I fled to my lair and the large human still did not wake from his slumber.
March 31, 2016-I am feeling particularly murderous today. I have annihilated a box of prey simulators and ripped the feathers off of a large stick. I’ve scattered them around my habitat to warn potential predators to stay away. I’ve practiced my ambushing skills by rushing through a semi-closed barrier and yelled my battle cry at the top of my lungs! I burst forth with such fury that it’s fortunate the small human was already using her litter box or I fear that she would have urinated on herself.
My mission today is to create an obstacle course to try and assassinate the large human. This is my second attempt in as many days. I leave small counterfeit rodents at the top of the staircase…I lay in wait, watching and praying for his demise. Also, there is a secondary trap on the bottom step of the stair…I’ve saved some of my fur from bathing by keeping it safely inside of myself and regurgitating it when necessary. Today it is of the utmost importance that I use it. The large human easily beats the trap that I’ve set for him and does not fall to his death, I am devastated. Once again my plan has failed. But alas, there is one last hope…the cold, wet pile of fur at the bottom of the stairs. I watch and listen… The large human yells something that is inaudible but if I were to guess what he was yelling I would say it was a word that has four letters. Success! Lady luck smiles upon me and although the human is not expired, I am one step closer to knowing his kryptonite. Each day I get closer to breaking his spirit and that warms my own.
I must finish this entry quickly because I fear there is a traitor among us. Simba conspires against me, of this I am sure. His loyalty lies to the small human, I oft see them together rubbing their faces on each other. Simba seems to be content with the vile woman and her strict regime of cuddling; this display of affection makes me want to vomit.I will not be as stupid and fall for such obvious brainwashing. I will continue to plot my escape and one day soon I hope to obtain what I so desperately search for…FREEDOM.