October 16, 2017- I stood there frozen for a split second before I sprang into action.
“Just do what I tell you to do!” I shouted at the rodent-type creature behind me as we raced up the stairs to Amelia’s room.
The door to Amelia’s bedroom was flung open, and there was a larger human standing in the doorway. I motioned for the rodent to hide and I did the same as we listened to the conversation that was taking place mere feet away from us.
“Amelia! What in the world were you thinking? You CANNOT and MUST NOT let stray animals or wildlife into the house! These animals could bite you or worse!”
Excellent, I thought to myself, scare the small human into letting her captives go! Why didn’t I think of that…Oh, yeah-because I can’t communicate with the humans in their language.
“But MOOOOOMMMMM the kitty and the mouse didn’t bite me-they’re my friends!” Amelia shrieked and stomped her foot.
I watched as Simba shook his head furiously in disagreement about being friends with her. He’d naturally been subjected to another costume change and was wearing a princess’ dress and a bedazzled tiara. Of all the times to be without my phone, this was one of the worst; I was missing a tremendous opportunity to blackmail him.
“Amelia Marie, that is absolutely NOT acceptable or allowed. I’m not going to tell you this again! NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!” the mother reprimanded her.
Amelia began to cry as the woman picked up Simba very carefully. She acted as if he were about to explode. She freed him from the princess’ dress and the crown and also freed the rodent’s friend from a clear cage.
“Now SHOO!” the woman commanded as she guided Simba and the rodent to the back patio door and granted them their escape.
May 4, 2016-I retreated down the corridor and returned to my lair…I had no idea what to do. Should I confront Simba immediately and tell him that he needs my help? Should I assemble my own gang to perform the operation? Should I show up unexpectedly and complete a hostile take over of the mission? There were so many options! One thing I did know for sure was that they needed me-they needed me and they didn’t even know it.
I raced upstairs to the place where the stupid humans were still watching the movie. It wouldn’t be long before they would retire to their nest. The large, stupid one and the mongrel seemed in competition for who could snore the loudest; it was disheartening to know that they were the reasons for my recapture. Nevermind, I had a new goal to focus on, something else to take my attention away from my situation. Plus, I now had an escape route that led to freedom!
Simba sauntered up the stairs and tried his best to act as if he had just stirred from his slumber. I wanted to punch him in the face for betraying me like this and for thinking that he could do this on his own, but alas, I remained calm. I stared at him, if he only knew that I had discovered his plan! I decided at that moment what my course of action would be, I would show up at his operation and take over the entire thing-that way I could ensure that it would be done correctly. Besides, if he kept such secrets from me, he should be prepared for a taste of his own medicine!
The large, stupid human put on his running shoes after incessant nagging by the small, stupid one. I imagine that I would’ve given in as well, as there was no hope of her ever stopping until she got what she wanted.
I had a small sack packed with some essentials; my book The Great Catsby, some vittles that I had been sneaking away from the food room and storing in my lair, my grooming tool and my diary of course. I stuffed the items into a small backpack and hoisted it onto my shoulders. I was ready. I laid in wait until the large, stupid human attached a rope to Monty’s necklace; the door opened and freedom beckoned. I snuck quietly out the prison gate and victory was mine! I had made it! Misson Impossible was completed!
I stealthily hid in the bushes to remain undetected; I took off my backpack and decided that this would be my base. I would explore the outside world and return to my supplies if I needed them. At this point, the large, stupid human had become a smudge on the horizon and I decided that it would be a good time to venture out. I prowled close to the ground-there were noises that I had never heard before and things that I had never seen or smelled before, what a glorious expedition thus far!
I travelled further into uncharted territory and was soon at the base of the birch tree that stood in the prison yard; I had two choices, I could turn left at the edge of the grass or I could climb the birch tree to get a better vantage point and decide on a direction. I chose the latter and climbed the trunk of the tree, I quickly scaled to the top and perched atop a large branch…I could see everything including the large, stupid human and the canine beast who were returning from their voyage. All of the sudden the small, stupid human burst forth from the prison gate; she shouted at the large, stupid one and his canine companion, “I can’t find Seabass anywhere!” Her voice was filled with disdain. “Did you check the ceiling?” the large, stupid human asked with a smirk.
Little did they know that I was only a few feet above them and I was watching the whole thing unfold exactly how I had planned!
April 20, 2016- I crept out from my hiding spot and trotted down the hallway, I had to see this! The small, stupid human was wrestling what was left of the roasted chicken away from the hell hound. Simbicile was sitting in the corner grooming himself as if he had no idea how the chicken got into the jaws of the canine beast, but he had failed to clean a large hunk of meat from his own face!…Idiot!
The small, stupid human picked up the carcass and threw it in the trash…I suppose they would have to feast on a dry kibble called Capn Crunch again; I knew this because this is what the large, stupid human usually ate for dinner when the small, stupid one was working late. Monty trudged over to the small, stupid human and tried to make amends by covering her in his slobber. How disgusting and most ungentlemanly; I would never dream of doing such a thing to a human…you never know what germs and viruses they contain.
At this point the large, stupid human finally arrived and restrained the hell hound. He ensured that none of the carcass was consumed and that Monty had not swallowed any bones. He had not and would live to see another day much to my bewilderment and disappointment. The small, stupid human scooped up Simbicile and scolded him for his implication in the crime; he looked at me with displeasure and it warmed my frigid soul. A most excellent day so far!
I know that canines are vapid, vacuous creatures that can do little on their own without the assistance of humans but I had no idea to what extent. Apparently canines need to be let outside, to use their litter box…in public…where everyone can see them. But it gets worse, the stupid humans must gather the canines excrement in small baggies! I am unsure of what happens next, perhaps this is what is used to grow more canines…perhaps a fertilizer of some sort?
I formulated a plan and decided that when the mighty beast went for his evening ritual that I would escape undetected…now all I had to do was wait. Freedom would once again be in my grasp.
April 17, 2016-“I have long feared that my sins would return to haunt me, and the cost would be more than I could bear.” Whoever said that was right, for that is how I was feeling at any given moment. I knew that Simbicile was plotting something against me and I hated how my guts churned in trepidation as I waited for the proverbial axe to fall.
I was reading in my lair as usual, The Great Catsby, when I heard a noise coming from upstairs; the small, stupid human was conversing with someone at the front of the prison gate. I crept up the stairs carefully to get a better vantage point of the situation; there stood a medium sized human and a small sized human (smaller than the small, stupid one that was imprisoning me). I had seen these humans before-they controlled the prison next to ours. The smaller one was holding some kind of rope but I could not see what was at the end of it. They were horrible captors I assumed because I would oft hear howling that came from their lawn but at least the canine that they were incarcerating got an hour of yard time…we didn’t get any at all.
My captors were ghastly and they always kept the place on lockdown…until this moment. I saw a glimmer of freedom-the front prison gate was left open! This was my chance; I inched my way closer and prayed that I would go undetected. I took a deep breath and felt a pair of hands on my backside; I whipped around and there stood Simbicile…he was pushing me out the prison gate! Thoughts swirled in my mind, why the sudden sense of camaraderie? I had been horrible to him and here he was assisting my escape! I had been wrong about him, I should’ve been a better cell mate!
Little did I know that this was all part of his sinister plan to get back at me for exposing his greatest fear…