Seabass’ Diary…Day 162…Free at last!

October 16, 2017- I stood there frozen for a split second before I sprang into action.

“Just do what I tell you to do!” I shouted at the rodent-type creature behind me as we raced up the stairs to Amelia’s room.

The door to Amelia’s bedroom was flung open, and there was a larger human standing in the doorway. I motioned for the rodent to hide and I did the same as we listened to the conversation that was taking place mere feet away from us.

“Amelia! What in the world were you thinking? You CANNOT and MUST NOT let stray animals or wildlife into the house! These animals could bite you or worse!”

Excellent, I thought to myself, scare the small human into letting her captives go! Why didn’t I think of that…Oh, yeah-because I can’t communicate with the humans in their language.

“But MOOOOOMMMMM the kitty and the mouse didn’t bite me-they’re my friends!” Amelia shrieked and stomped her foot.

I watched as Simba shook his head furiously in disagreement about being friends with her. He’d naturally been subjected to another costume change and was wearing a princess’ dress and a bedazzled tiara. Of all the times to be without my phone, this was one of the worst; I was missing a tremendous opportunity to blackmail him.

“Amelia Marie, that is absolutely NOT acceptable or allowed. I’m not going to tell you this again! NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!” the mother reprimanded her.

Amelia began to cry as the woman picked up Simba very carefully. She acted as if he were about to explode. She freed him from the princess’ dress and the crown and also freed the rodent’s friend from a clear cage.

“Now SHOO!” the woman commanded as she guided Simba and the rodent to the back patio door and granted them their¬†escape.

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Seabass’ Diary… Day 155…Prince of Darkness

You didn’t think I forgot to write this post, did you? ūüôā I’ve been saving it for Black Cat Appreciation Day which is today; Talk about a great way to celebrate with my black, house panther Seabass and his diary of adventure!

August 17, 2017-I stared at Simba for a second and waited for the sound of footsteps thudding down the staircase to cease; I had to be sure that Amelia wasn’t returning.

I counted to ten and then blew out a sigh, “This is insanity!” I shouted. “We are literally being held captive by a child! A CHILD!” I repeated. “By the way, you look ridiculous!” I snorted at Simba.

“I look ridiculous…really?” Simba said and rolled his eyes so hard that I was certain they would fall right out of his head and onto the floor.

“Nevermind, get this off of me and let’s get out of here before she gets back!” I hissed.

I jumped out of the carriage, and Simba followed suit. The pink pyjamas tangled around my feet and I fell flat on my face. “Don’t even…” I said as I glared at Simba who was covering his mouth with both paws as he tried to force the laughter back down to his gut. He could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t kidding.

“Hold still!” He commanded as he tugged on the zipper of the pink pyjamas. “It’s stuck.”

“What do you mean it’s stuck?” I said.

“I mean it’s stuck, your hair is stuck in between the teeth of the zipper; I can’t get it down!”

I started to panic. The only way I was getting out of these pyjamas was with the assistance of someone else. Amelia zipped me up so that the zipper was on my back and not in the front and there was no way I could reach it by myself.

“We need to get out of here!” Simba said as he slid the blue, frilly night gown over his head and tossed it into the corner. I knew he was trying to annoy me on purpose by doing this, but I ignored his feeble attempt at humour.

“And how do you suppose we do that? The door is shut, and we can’t reach the doorknob.” ¬†He was really starting to get under my skin.

“The window,” Simba said as he pointed to the sill. He jumped up gracefully, took out his sharpest claw and slashed an opening in the screen that we could both fit through.

“After you My Lady,” Simba said with a stupid grin plastered across his face.

“You shall address me properly…I am His Lordship or The Prince of Darkness,” I spat as I brushed a pink frill out of my face and headed for the window.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 149…Escape

June 19, 2017- “Quickly, there is no time!” Simba shouted as I scrunched my eyes together and waited for a second while they adjusted to the lack of light.

Simba’s chest heaved from the level of exertion we had just been through, “GO!” he yelled and pushed me down a sleek silver tunnel that was angled into a sharp drop. I hit the ground with a THUD and steadied myself at the bottom.

Simba followed right behind me, and when all of our feet hit the ground, he quickly gave orders.

“Help me push this! We need to barricade ourselves!” Simba commanded and started pushing a large wooden plank with all of his might. I got on the other end, and we¬†covered the opening of the pipe we had just slid down.

“That was close. This should hold them! ¬†Dog won’t fit, but if by chance Hugo decides to risk following us down the pipe, he won’t be able to slither back up. He’d be trapped until someone moved the pipe and who knows how long that would take.” Simba said.

I could sense a tiny bit of relief in his voice, but I was not relieved by any means. I was more afraid now than I had ever been. Something told me that we were not out of danger.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“We’re just at the end of the block…about four or five houses down from ours I think…in a basement,” he said.

“What?”

“We’re in somebody’s basement. It looks like they’re renovating and thankfully, it saved our lives,” Simba said.

“Whose house are we in?” I felt my breath shorten and my pulse quicken as I anticipated Simba’s answer.

“It was our only choice!” Simba said sternly, “I didn’t plan this!”

I swallowed hard and looked for an escape route. My voice caught in my throat when I realized that the only way out was up the staircase and through the central part of the house.

“Please tell me this isn’t her house,” I said and shuddered at the thought.

“It might very well be,” Simba said. “There is only one way to find out.”

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 145…Slither

May 22, 2017-I gulped at the sight of him. I gave my head a shake and remembered the advice that Simba had given me many years ago, during our first encounter with Hugo, he said, “Whatever you do, do not look him in the eye.” I blinked fast and tried to avoid eye contact. Rumour had it that Hugo’s eyes were mesmerizing, and I didn’t want to take a chance that they weren’t. After all, plenty of other animals had fallen under his spell by not heeding the warning and were led away to their untimely deaths.

“Hello SSSSSebassssstien,” he hissed.

He rocked his snake body back and forth and I could tell that he was positioning himself so that he could envelop me with his tail. If this happened he would quite literally either swallow me whole or squeeze me to death and then eat me. I did not want to experience either.

“We meet again,” I said disguising the fear in my voice. I took a few steps backward and released myself from the circle he had created around me.

“Yesssss! Where is SSSSSSimba?”

“I’m here. Don’t worry your hideous little face about it!” Simba sneered.

Hugo turned around and the sight of Simba made him smile.

“Now now, no need to be nassssssty.¬†I’ve sssssimply¬†come for sssssome help!” he hissed

“We don’t believe you,” Simba said. “Why should we, after everything you’ve done?”

Hugo chuckled, “Sssssso what? The passsst is in the passsst!”

I could tell that he was lying and by the look on Simba’s face, so could he.

“Tell us why you’re here,” I said. “Tell us why you’re here and we won’t harm you.”

“Now that’sssss¬†funny! You harm me? Ssssay it issssn’t¬†sssso!” he slithered.

“TELL US WHAT YOU WANT or I will not hesitate to tase you,” Simba said matter of factly. He was fearless and I admired his ability to stand his ground.

Hugo slithered around us again until we were both surrounded by his giant body. If he chose to squeeze us to death, there would be no escape.

“It’s my sssson, he’ssss¬†misssssing,” Hugo hissed.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 23…

April 20, 2016- I crept out from my hiding spot and trotted down the hallway, I had to see this! The small, stupid human was wrestling what was left of the roasted chicken away from the hell hound. Simbicile was sitting in the corner grooming himself as if he had no idea how the chicken got into the jaws of the canine beast, but he had failed to clean a large¬†hunk of meat from his own face!…Idiot!

The small, stupid human picked up the carcass and threw it in the trash…I suppose they would have to feast on a dry kibble called Capn Crunch again; I knew this because this is what the large, stupid human usually ate for dinner when the small, stupid one was working late. Monty trudged over to the small, stupid human and tried to make amends by covering her in his slobber. How disgusting and most ungentlemanly; I would never dream of doing such a thing to a human…you never know what germs and viruses they contain.

At this point the large, stupid human finally arrived and restrained the hell hound. He ensured that none of the carcass was consumed and that Monty had not swallowed any bones. He had not and would live to see another day much to my bewilderment and disappointment. The small, stupid human scooped up Simbicile and scolded him for his implication in the crime; he looked at me with displeasure and it warmed my frigid soul. A most excellent day so far!

I know that canines are vapid, vacuous creatures that can do little on their own without the assistance of humans but I had no idea to what extent. Apparently canines need to be let outside, to use their litter box…in public…where everyone can see them. But it gets worse, the stupid humans must gather the canines excrement in small baggies! I am unsure of what happens next, perhaps this is what is used to grow more canines…perhaps a fertilizer of some sort?

I formulated a plan and decided that when the mighty beast went for his evening ritual that I would escape undetected…now all I had to do was wait. Freedom would once again be in my grasp.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 4

March 31, 2016-I am feeling particularly murderous today. I have annihilated a box of prey simulators and ripped the feathers off of a large stick. I’ve scattered them around my habitat to warn potential predators to stay away. I’ve practiced my ambushing skills by¬†rushing through a semi-closed barrier¬†and yelled my¬†battle cry at the top of my lungs! I burst forth¬†with such fury that it’s fortunate the small human was already using her litter box or I fear that she would have urinated on¬†herself.

My mission today is to create an obstacle course to try and assassinate the large¬†human. This is my second attempt in as many days. ¬†I leave small counterfeit¬†rodents at the top of the staircase…I lay in wait, watching and praying¬†for his demise. Also, there is a secondary trap on the bottom step of the stair…I’ve saved some of my fur from bathing¬†by keeping it safely inside of myself and regurgitating it when necessary. Today it is of the utmost importance¬†that I use it. The large human easily beats the trap that I’ve set for him and does not fall to his death, I am devastated. Once again my plan has failed. But alas, there¬†is one last hope…the cold, wet pile of fur at the bottom of the stairs. I watch and listen… The large¬†human yells something that is inaudible but if I were to guess what he was yelling I would say it was a word that has four letters. Success! Lady luck smiles upon me and although the human is not expired, I am one step closer to knowing his ¬†kryptonite. Each day I get closer to breaking his spirit and that warms my own.

I must finish this entry quickly because I fear there is a traitor among us. Simba conspires against me, of this I am sure. His loyalty lies to the small human, I oft see them together rubbing their faces on each other. Simba seems to be content with the vile woman¬†and her strict regime of cuddling; this display of affection makes me want to vomit.I ¬†will not be as stupid and fall for such obvious brainwashing. I will continue to plot my escape and one day soon I hope to¬†obtain what I so desperately search for…FREEDOM.

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The device that I’ve stolen to remove my fur¬†

Seabass’ Diary…Day 3

March 30, 2016-Last night the large human had ham. It was agony to watch him eat it..he taunted me with every delicious bite but be sure I will exact my revenge. While the humans weren’t looking I formulated an ingenious but dangerous plan…I would steal the ham off the counter. I steadied myself on the counter and made the 20 foot leap across the room, I landed on target and pushed the plate onto the floor. Success!..but only for a moment. The small human came rushing in and pulled me away from my feast. She continues to mistreat me.

I awoke to the grasp¬†of the small human. She and the large human have a very comfortable nest so¬†I try to take up as much space as possible. I suppose there is a trade-off for my comfort…I must let her touch me but I insist on biting her hand every time to remind her of my power. ¬†I vomited my breakfast on the carpet to show her my dissatisfaction with the menu that never varies…I also think that she is trying to poison me. I watch her scrub the carpet and while she is doing this I climb onto her back to get a better vantage point and to look for a possible escape route. My father Simba and I are served small, dry nuggets¬†each morning at varying times due to the¬†small human’s laziness. I’ve retreated to my lair because I know that the humans will not be able to reach me on the highest shelf of the laundry room. There is a window and sometimes a squirrel that I watch…oh if only I were free like him to frolic in the afternoon breeze…his very being reminds me of my oppression. I hate him. Today I shall try and sleep away the horror of this place and escape into my dreams of a better life.

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The deplorable conditions of my current lodgings…look away.¬†