Seabass’ Diary…Day 23…

April 20, 2016- I crept out from my hiding spot and trotted down the hallway, I had to see this! The small, stupid human was wrestling what was left of the roasted chicken away from the hell hound. Simbicile was sitting in the corner grooming himself as if he had no idea how the chicken got into the jaws of the canine beast, but he had failed to clean a large hunk of meat from his own face!…Idiot!

The small, stupid human picked up the carcass and threw it in the trash…I suppose they would have to feast on a dry kibble called Capn Crunch again; I knew this because this is what the large, stupid human usually ate for dinner when the small, stupid one was working late. Monty trudged over to the small, stupid human and tried to make amends by covering her in his slobber. How disgusting and most ungentlemanly; I would never dream of doing such a thing to a human…you never know what germs and viruses they contain.

At this point the large, stupid human finally arrived and restrained the hell hound. He ensured that none of the carcass was consumed and that Monty had not swallowed any bones. He had not and would live to see another day much to my bewilderment and disappointment. The small, stupid human scooped up Simbicile and scolded him for his implication in the crime; he looked at me with displeasure and it warmed my frigid soul. A most excellent day so far!

I know that canines are vapid, vacuous creatures that can do little on their own without the assistance of humans but I had no idea to what extent. Apparently canines need to be let outside, to use their litter box…in public…where everyone can see them. But it gets worse, the stupid humans must gather the canines excrement in small baggies! I am unsure of what happens next, perhaps this is what is used to grow more canines…perhaps a fertilizer of some sort?

I formulated a plan and decided that when the mighty beast went for his evening ritual that I would escape undetected…now all I had to do was wait. Freedom would once again be in my grasp.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 21…

April 18, 2016-I had one foot out the door and could feel the sunlight on my face, what a glorious feeling! I turned around and took one last glimpse of Simba, he was sitting behind me and he smiled and waved…I had been mistaken about him and I was sorry. I would miss that old chap and would remember him fondly from this moment on. I turned back to freedom and was met with a sloppy, wet, lather of an enormous tongue that hit me directly in the face.

I lost my balance and skittered back into the doorway in shock, what was  this thing? The light blinded me momentarily and the creature came at me again, I could feel Simba’s hands on me once more as he pushed me towards the massive animal. I dug in my claws with all of my might and resisted. At the same time my vision restored itself and my eyes fell on the rope that the smaller human was holding… at the end of it was a canine.

The canine was the biggest that I had ever seen! He stood ominously over top of me and I shook in fear as he scanned my body, I was frozen in terror. My brain rattled around for a second and I screamed out, “TRAITOR!” at Simba who was laughing at my expense. This was why he pushed me towards what I thought was freedom! I swatted the canine across the face and made a break for it but alas my attempt to flee was in vain.

The small, stupid human scooped me up and embarrassed me in front of the the canine. She scolded me publicly and said, “Seabass, where are your manners? Monty is going to be our guest for a week while his family is on vacation.” She pulled me into herself and cuddled me, I wanted to rip her face off but was still panicked from my encounter with the hell hound so I did nothing.

The small, stupid human took the rope from the other stupid human and the prisoner transfer was completed. I glared at Simba…he loved canines and would have no problem conversing with or tolerating the wretched animal; I on the other hand would make this a week for the record books…I would not rest until I tortured the poor soul into leaving.

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This hound should be very, very worried.