June 13, 2016- I was NOT going to pet hotel hell that was for sure! I really liked Grandpa…but he probably shouldn’t have taken off the welding gloves so soon; when he reached for me I bit him…hard. He screamed out in pain and jumped back in terror from the wrath of my deadly jaws; he should not have assumed that he could merely negotiate with me- I am a highly developed being and it would take much more than a pep talk to get me in the animal transport carrier.
I leaped over him and ran up the staircase to the hiding place where he could not reach me! He followed me and was hot on my tail as I skidded into my spot-I just barely eluded him and was almost in his clutches had I not been as physically fit as I am. My nickname in college was HE-MAN because I was so muscular…and still am actually. I quite frequently do one armed push ups to remain strong and participate in a number of cardiovascular activities that keep my weight stable. As I peered out at Grandpa from my hiding place I heard him say, “Hmm…Adam said this might happen, you leave me no choice Sebastien.”
This could not be good-he was using my full name. It’s been my experience that when a stupid human uses my full name it never ends well for me. I waited and watched as Grandpa left the room; a few minutes later he returned…with a hideous monster that was so scary that it shook me to my core.
Monty snarled at me and bared his teeth; I had infuriated him and the best part was that he could not reach me under the nest. His massive body excluded him from tiny spaces but I was like liquid; I could seep into any spot and take on its shape…it was just another awesome feature of being me! He yelled at me but we do not speak the same language so I could not understand a thing he was saying. Perhaps this is why our species does not get along.
I imagined that the aftermath of our foot race was extraordinary, I did not look back to see the destruction but I heard glass drop to the floor…my assault on Monty was just the beginning! I could hear the humans unlocking the front door and waited with anticipation; I could barely contain myself, I wanted to hear them chastise the poor mutt. Monty heard the front door open as well and then something astonishing happened…Monty climbed up onto the nest and pretended to be asleep! How dare he! Why was he not greeting the humans like usual? Normally he shook his entire backside and ran in circles upon their arrival-what was happening?
I froze and waited, surely the stupid humans were not that…well…stupid. A huge gasp was heard down the hall and finally, “MONTY!” was yelled; the word thundered through the house! Boy, was he in for it, I just hoped that I could sneak out and witness the punishment. Monty did not move from his post. He laid on the nest and kept his eyes closed; his name was called again. He ignored the humans request to go to them and that is when I heard the sound urgent footsteps-they were coming for us.