Dear Kitten…Bathing Your Human

October 6, 2017-

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 152…Pink Pyjamas

July 17, 2017-Simba and I had heard stories about Amelia, but we didn’t want to believe them…we wanted to believe that no human could be that cruel and unusual. For a split second, I debated whether or not to scratch her eyes out, but I was truthfully frozen in fear. Amelia couldn’t have been more than five years old, but she was crazy in every sense of the word. She squeezed me tight and breathed in the scent of my fur.

“You’re a stinky kitty! You need a bath!” She shrieked and giggled. Hearing her laugh made my blood run cold. The words echoed in my mind…bath…a bath meant water and I hate water. There was no way that I was going down without a fight. I needed to act quickly but my mind was totally blank. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her but what other choice did I have?

I squirmed and wriggled as hard as I could in the hopes that she would release me but instead her grip tightened.

“Don’t let her take you to the next location! What are you doing? You Fool! Bite her already!” Simba screamed.

I couldn’t bite her…she was just a little girl. I’m a soldier, not a monster. I hissed as loud as I could and narrowed my eyes at Amelia. Perhaps if I frightened her enough she would back off! I hissed again and bared my teeth at her as I growled.

“Oh kitty doesn’t want a bath?” She sung. “But you’re supposed to have a bath before bedtime!”

I growled again and said a prayer. “Fine no bath tonight, but you need to put pyjamas on!” She carried me to the closet and picked out a frilly, pink, one piece pyjama suit.

Pink pyjamas? No…this wasn’t happening.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 14

April 11. 2016-The wretched human reached for me with the gloves and pulled me out of the corner. She petted my fur gently and with every stroke I died a little inside; I hated when she touched me and was contemplating which appendage to rip off of her first. She proceeded to put me in the basin but not without a fight! The small, stupid human managed to immerse me in the water but I quickly emerged, soaking wet from tip to tail. I started growling; she was insufferable and I could not put up with this blatant attempt on my life any longer! She grabbed at me as I leapt onto the edge of the basin and straight for the doorway; I scratched her arm with my razor sharp claws and her blood ran into the basin and turned the water red-Success was imminent! As luck would have it the large, stupid human opened the door at that exact moment and I sped down the staircase and into my lair.

The stupid humans raced after me and somehow manged to abduct me and take me to a second location which was the clothes cleaning room. I saw the basin and started to writhe in anger; I would not be submerged again! I hissed and spat at them as a final warning and my eyes ignited with anger; I would rip them to shreds if they tried to assassinate me again. Simbiclile was watching from a distance and suddenly, a brilliant plan entered my brain! I ran over to Simba and took him as my hostage. I pushed him out in front of me and used his massive girth as a barrier between me and the humans. I would not hesitate to trade his life for my own! The small, stupid one struggled to lift him and suddenly I was covered in darkness…the world had gone black and I was entangled in some sort of blanket.

I was lowered into a basin with the blanket still covering me all except for my face, a sudden rush of warmth spread over my chiseled, adonis like body and three hands held me in place. Another hand poured the water over the blanket and it became totally saturated. The water was black with dirt, I howled out in pain and managed to get a paw out of the restraint. The stupid humans rubbed the blanket over me and my fur stood on end; I jumped from the basin and sped off to my hiding spot to try and groom the poison off of myself…it would take the next seventeen consecutive hours to restore my majestic coat to it’s original luster and sheen…the night would be long and tedious but at least I would have the chance to plot revenge to deliver to Simbicile to repay him for his betrayal. I knew exactly what needed to be done and looked forward to his demise! Mwah ha ha…

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Vehicle of suffering! 

 

Seabass’ Diary…Day 1

Seabass is my Maine Coon; Here is his diary…in his own words.

March 28, 2016-Dear Diary, This is my first entry of many. I shall keep this diary as a record of occurrences in case I need to refer back to it in the future. Today was just like any other. I awoke at 3:30 am…starving. I went to the humans’ room to alert them of my discomfort, but alas my attempts to wake them were for naught. The one I dislike the least rolled over and ignored me. The larger one, who once gave me a bath six years ago, snores so loudly that I often wonder if there is a wild animal at large.I remember the bath as if it were yesterday…I will never forgive the human for his betrayal. My hunger did not dissipate, so I tried once again to alert the clueless humans. This time I slightly dragged my perfectly manicured nails across the smaller human’s face-not enough to cut her but enough to send a clear message that my needs must be attended to immediately. This time my efforts were rewarded. She awoke and stumbled to the kitchen; she filled my dish with little more than enough food to feed a small rodent, let alone a majestic creature such as myself. I displayed my disappointment by flipping my food dish over and eating each morsel of food one piece at a time. Perhaps I will try again tomorrow…or perhaps she cannot be taught?

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The smaller human forced me to do this…