Seabass’ Diary…Day 105…Let’s Do This!

August 18, 2016-The prison was silent. I glanced at my watch it was precisely 2:32 am. I took a deep breath and listened to the front lock unlatch. She was here…it was the tall, thin human and she was right on time. The door opened and the glare of a flashlight scanned the darkness; light passed over us and I set my watch for 30 seconds.

Bandit punched in the numbers 911 on his cell phone and put it on mute. He slid it under the couch and hoped that the operator could hear what was happening as our plan unfolded. I straightened my wig and the timer on my watch went off, “ATTACK!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and I charged at the tall, thin human. Bandit flipped on the lights and the next few moments passed in slow motion like a beautiful, disastrous dance.

The tall, thin human’s mouth gaped open in horror as she looked on in disbelief. I pivoted and grabbed Stinky. His weave blew beautifully behind him as I snatched him up and carried him to the top of the couch. I turned him around, lifted his tail and aimed it at the tall, thin human. “Say hello to my Stinky friend!” I shouted and he farted so hard. The stench filled the room and the tall, thin human screamed in terror. She clutched her eyes and Bandit began phase 2. He jumped on her back and started biting; she fell to her knees and the other animals jumped on the front and back of her.

What a sight to behold! Animals wearing wigs covered the tall, thin human; she tried to peel them off of her but it was no use. Stinky and I fled out the front door and ran to the black getaway car; he jabbed a shank into each tire and the air squealed out as they flattened. I ran back into the prison and saw that the next phase had been completed. The animals had made a chain with their wigs and had secured the tall, thin human. Her hands and feet were bound and a long brown wig covered her face. I heard the sounds of sirens getting closer and it was time for my comrades to scatter.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 104…The Plan of Action

August 17,2016- I closed the door behind Bandit and started to prepare for phase 1 of the plan. I checked the clock again it was 1 am, that meant I had some time left before the tall, thin human returned to exact her revenge. I had no idea what she would do but I did know what she was capable of.

After I had prepared the necessary items for our plan of action, I sat down and had a snack. Funny how plotting things can make you famished. At precisely 2:00 am there was a knock at the door so I answered it. Bandit stood with Stinky on the front stoop of the prison with an army of animals behind them. There were some critters I had never met before but I was grateful for their allegiance to me. As each of the animals entered the prison I handed them a wig to put on. After the last comrade had entered, I closed the prison gate and looked around the room. What a sight to behold; animals big and small adorned with wigs of all lengths and colours…it was quite terrifying actually but somehow still magnificent.

I commanded the floor and straightened my wig, “Thank you all for being here tonight. As you know Simba and I are under attack again…we are being stalked by a tall, thin human who is out for revenge. I trust that you will help me defeat her!” The animals clapped and cheered and some of them even let out battle cries; It was inspiring! Luckily , all of the noise and boisterous behaviour did not wake Simba. He had been sound asleep for eighteen hours already and showed no signs of stirring.

“Does everyone know what their role is?” I asked. “YES!” the animals shouted in unison. I looked at my watch and set the alarm for precisely 2:31 am…one minute before the tall, thin human would return and break into the prison. I shut off the lights and the animals took to their posts.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 103…Rally the Troops!

August 16, 2016-I smiled. I liked fame as much as the next cat but as far as I was concerned, I was already famous enough. I had made headlines in the paper, was on the news and people everywhere knew my name. Still, I was intrigued by Bandit’s plan.

Simba waltzed out of the nest and stretched and rubbed his eyes, “Bandit?…What are you doing inside? Oh no, it there another party that I don’t know about? Please tell me there isn..” Bandit quickly interrupted him, “No, I’m just here to visit and see how you guys are that’s all-not to worry.” He cut his eyes to me and smiled a really awkward smile…he almost looked like a hungry badger I’d seen once. I shot him a look that said knock it off and he cleared his throat, “Well…I guess I’ll mosey along then…Bye Simba!” “Bye Bandit,” Simba said and he headed  back to the nest.

I waited until Simba closed the door before I said another word. “Well? What’s the plan? We’re running out of time!” Bandit cupped a hand to my ear and whispered the details of his plan. My eyes grew wide and my mouth hung open as he continued to divulge the idea he had. I shook my head a couple of times and gasped…he was crazy enough to think this might actually work…and so was I.



Seabass’ Diary…Day 102…A Little Help…

August 15, 2016-“What are you doing here?” I said in disbelief. It was fortunate for Bandit that the stupid humans weren’t home; he was still taking a risk of being seen by boldly knocking at the front gate. “I came to see if you and Simba were ok! I watched the news and heard all about your adventure…the word around town is that you’re a hero!” I smiled…I was a hero wasn’t I? I thought to myself and invited Bandit inside.

The clock chimed 11 and I made a mental note of how many hours before the tall, thin human returned. “It’s good to see you dear friend,” I said, “I have much to tell you.” Bandit helped himself to a few snacks in the kitchen while I told him the whole story about the diamond heist and brought him up to speed with what was happening now. “So you see, she’s coming back for revenge and I could use all the help I can get…I ordered some supplies on the Amazon but somehow my order got mixed up,” I said. “What’s in the box then?” Bandit asked. “Wigs,” I said as I pulled one out to show him.

Bandit inspected the wigs and put one on…he looked pretty terrifying actually. “I have an idea,” he said as he put the wig back into the box, “How many wigs are there?” I jumped into the box and counted, “15,” I said. “That’ll do just fine,” he said. “What’s the plan?” I asked, I felt a bit nervous because the last time that Bandit and I teamed up Simba and I landed in the clink. Bandit rubbed his palm together and smiled a most devious smile, “Not to worry…I’ve got it all figured out and guess what? You’re gonna be famous!”



Seabass’ Diary…Day 56…Catch Me If You Can…

June 6, 2016-Alvin made it through the front door to freedom! I let go of the animal control’s ear and ran for cover but then I saw him…Bandit was in the litterbox room and it was him who caused the crash that I heard; I panicked and slammed the door shut. “What are you still doing here? I thought you left!” I said. “No, I forgot my wallet in here so I came back to get it…then everything happened and I tried to get out the window but it was no use…I ended up knocking everything off of the counter in my efforts to escape,” he said.

Bottles of nail polish were spilled on the floor, hair conditioner dripped down the side of the tub and there were bubbles everywhere! “I tried my best to clean it up but it was no use!” he said. “I’ll worry about this later…for now, we need to get you out of here!” I said, “I have a plan, we’ll rush them.” Bandit looked at me with eyebrows raised, “RUSH THEM?” “It’s the only way to ensure your safe evacuation,” I said, “On the count of three, we are going to open the door and RUN AS FAST AS WE CAN to the secret corridor…they will chase us so we need to be quick.” I looked at Bandit and worry seeped down his face, “Ready? ONE…TWO…THREE!” I flung open the door and we made a break for it.

We tore down the hallway and rounded the corner at lightning speed, “HERE THEY COME!” The animals control yelled. The bigger one stood at the top of the stairs in a short stop stance, arms out and ready to capture us. “I’ll go up top you go through the legs,” I motioned to Bandit and we charged full speed ahead. FullSizeRender

Seabass’ Diary…Day 53…Party’s OVER

June 1, 2016- A strange feeling of urgency suddenly washed over me and the words “Animal Control” rang through my mind like alarm bells; I needed to find Bandit. I looked around the crowded room and finally found him in the human’s litter box room…he was hung over the forbidden water bowl and it looked as though he had been sick…too much consumption was my guess.

“I need your help!” I said, “The animal control humans are coming and they’re the ones who took me and Simba away!” Bandit looked at me blankly, “Dial it down man…I’m not feeling so good.” He swayed back and forth as he looked at me.  I was starting to panic, it wouldn’t be long before they were here and we would all be arrested. “Listen to me!” I said as I grabbed him by the shoulders, “WE ARE GOING TO BE IN BIG TROUBLE…EVEN BIGGER THAN THE CATERING HEIST TROUBLE!”

My message finally got through because his eyes widened and he stood up straight, “Alert the others, we need to get them out of here!” I did as he said and gathered the party guests, “Everyone, we are in imminent danger; the animal controls are coming to capture us and take us away! You must come with me-QUICKLY!” Alvin screamed at the top of his lungs and started shoving as much food as he could into his mouth. “CALM YOURSELF MAN!” I shouted and shook him, “To the tunnel…you’ll exit the same way you came in!” Bandit and I led the animals to the secret corridor and gave a set of final instructions, “When you leave the corridor and re-enter the outside world…do NOT look back, hide yourselves and do not let the humans see you! Good luck and God speed.”

Alvin is clearly a stress eater…

Seabass’ Diary…Day 39…Trouble…

May 11, 2016- At that very moment I decided it was time indeed, time for me to reveal myself and take over their plan. I pounced from the bushes and said, “Not so fast!” The group was surprised to see me and Simba’s eyes narrowed in anger, “What are you doing here and why are you wearing night vision goggles?” he demanded. I smirked at his stupidity, “You didn’t think you could do this without me did you?”

I’m sure it took everything in him to restrain himself but Simba remained calm. “This is my operation…we’ve done all of the work and you expect to swoop in at the last second and take command of my brigade…no, that is not happening.” I glared at him, “I’ve studied the location and even ordered supplies that would benefit us.” I showed him what was in my backpack to prove to him that I would be a help not a hindrance. There was a pause from the group, the bandit gathered everyone except me into a huddle.

After a quick conversation Simba finally said the words I had been waiting to hear, “Fine you can join us but don’t screw it up, your orders will come directly from me.” That’s maybe what he said but this is what I heard, “Your Lordship, we welcome you with open arms, please take over this mission and lead us into battle! Without you there would be no victory!” I happily obliged and handed out the items in my sack.

There was a loud noise that startled the brigade, we whipped around to see what it was. A gang of misfits stood ominously in a tree behind us, the scariest part is that they were all the same species…Squirrels. The head squirrel that had continuously tortured Simba and I from outside the prison walls was staring at us…and he was wearing the mask that I had ordered from the Amazon.


Seabass’ Diary…Day 33…Secret Society

May 3, 2016-I could’t believe what was happening in front of my eyes. The huge amounts of light were from the street lamp that had seeped into the secret hallway-the hallway led to a large opening where some sort of vent had fallen off and revealed the outside world. Simba stood right outside of the opening on the lush green grass and he was surrounded by what seemed like a secret society of animals.

A bandit who wore a mask (talk about being obvious…if you’re going to rob someone be a little more creative), a chipmunk with a chubby little face, a creature with a black and white streak down it’s tail (who smelled terribly if I am being honest about things), and a fella who moved as slow as molasses (he wore some sort of hard armour…looked like a shell) and finally a creature that looked like a large rat but had a longer tail and was quite experienced in playing dead,  were all gathered in a circle. I stayed in the shadows and listened to their conversation. Thoughts raced through my mind…were these creatures ex-mercenaries like myself? Did Simba recruit them so that he could exact his revenge on me? Perhaps he was recruiting them to do away with Monty…one could only hope.

“Attention everyone, attention!” Simba said as he called the secret meeting to order; I held my breath and slunk to the ground. “We all know why we’re here, we need to work together in order to obtain our mutual goal and without eachother we will not be successful.” My heart beat faster, I saw Simba reach into his pocket and pull out some sort of pamphlet. “Operation Luigi’s Catering will commence in two weeks from tonight!”

I shrank back into the hallway… my mind swirled with all of the new found information..with Simba at the helm of this dangerous heist, it would not end well for anyone.

A recent mug shot of one of the recruits…