Seabass’ Diary…Day 162…Free at last!

October 16, 2017- I stood there frozen for a split second before I sprang into action.

“Just do what I tell you to do!” I shouted at the rodent-type creature behind me as we raced up the stairs to Amelia’s room.

The door to Amelia’s bedroom was flung open, and there was a larger human standing in the doorway. I motioned for the rodent to hide and I did the same as we listened to the conversation that was taking place mere feet away from us.

“Amelia! What in the world were you thinking? You CANNOT and MUST NOT let stray animals or wildlife into the house! These animals could bite you or worse!”

Excellent, I thought to myself, scare the small human into letting her captives go! Why didn’t I think of that…Oh, yeah-because I can’t communicate with the humans in their language.

“But MOOOOOMMMMM the kitty and the mouse didn’t bite me-they’re my friends!” Amelia shrieked and stomped her foot.

I watched as Simba shook his head furiously in disagreement about being friends with her. He’d naturally been subjected to another costume change and was wearing a princess’ dress and a bedazzled tiara. Of all the times to be without my phone, this was one of the worst; I was missing a tremendous opportunity to blackmail him.

“Amelia Marie, that is absolutely NOT acceptable or allowed. I’m not going to tell you this again! NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!” the mother reprimanded her.

Amelia began to cry as the woman picked up Simba very carefully. She acted as if he were about to explode. She freed him from the princess’ dress and the crown and also freed the rodent’s friend from a clear cage.

“Now SHOO!” the woman commanded as she guided Simba and the rodent to the back patio door and granted them their escape.

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Seabass’ Diary… Day 159…Inspiration Strikes

Sept 18, 2017- “Wait…so you were in there?” I repeated. I couldn’t believe that there were more victims! My heart sunk and I pinched the bridge of my nose as I closed my eyes.

“Yes, I escaped from the clutches of Amelia and I’m lucky to have left with my life! It was a horrible experience; the dresses, the outfits and the constant mauling…”

We stood there for a moment in silence. Neither one of us knew what to say and the silence was getting awkward.

I was the first to speak, “Your best friend is still inside? Are you sure? I didn’t think anyone was there…in fact, I KNOW that no one else was there except for me and Simba. There were no other signs of life.”

As soon as I said the last sentence, I immediately regretted it. The last thing I needed to do was scare this poor fella into thinking that his best friend had been…I won’t say it.

“No other…no other signs?” The creature stammered.

“Not that I am aware but I could be mistaken,” I backtracked. We were starting to run out of time and I knew that the more time we spent talking the less time we would have to save Simba and the long-tailed creature’s friend. We needed to spring into action but I didn’t have a clue where to start.

“What does your friend look like?” I asked.

“He’s smaller than me but kind of looks the same. People are really afraid of him..they say his ancestors caused the plague but I happen to know that’s not true!”

“A rat…your best friend is a rat,” I said. This was not good news. I knew that humans had a sore spot for rodents and they were quite afraid of them.

“Yes and he is stuck inside with Amelia and has been for the past two days. I fear that there is no way out for him. I’ve been trying to plan a rescue mission but I just can’t! I can’t because I don’t know what to do and I need help!” He burst into tears and I just stood there with my hands by my sides…what could I do at this point except come up with the mother of all plans to save Simba and the rat.

All of the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew exactly what to do.

“Pull yourself together man! I have a plan, but first get me out of these ridiculous pyjamas.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 158…An Unlikely Friend

September 4, 2017- I felt a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was quite literally back at square one. I ran as fast as I could, which wasn’t fast at all given the state of me, to a nearby hedge and struggled to get out of the pink pyjamas. I twisted and writhed and rubbed my back against the branches in the hopes of freeing the zipper from my fur. It was all for naught and I was getting frustrated.

I was frustrated because of everything that had happened. I was hopeless and I’ve never felt more alone in my life. For the first time in a long time, I felt incompetent in my skills. I sat in the bushes for a long time feeling sorry for myself. Then, there was a voice!

“Excuse me…uhh…I was wondering if…if ummm…” the voice said.

I whipped around to see where the voice was coming from and was met face to face with something that looked like a large mouse…a rat even might be a better way to describe it. It had a long snout, beady black eyes, a fat body, and a long skinny tail.

“Listen, I’m probably the last person you want to ask for anything,” I said.

“Well uhh…I was ummm wondering if you could help me with something?” The creature said. He was awkward and uncomfortable and this made me apprehensive.

“Look, buddy like I said, I’m not the man for the job…my best friend is locked inside that house with a mad woman and I’m still wearing these stupid pyjamas!”

“Ok….well, sorry to bother you…I’m sorry about your best friend. The funny thing is that my best friend is locked inside there too…with Amelia. I barely escaped with my life,” The creature said as he started off in the other direction.

“Stop!” I said. “What did you say?”

“I said that my best…”

I cut him off, “I know what you said…you were also a victim of Amelia?”

“Yes…I escaped only yesterday.”

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 157…Close (only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades)

August 28, 2017-“QUICKLY!” I screamed at Simba as he scrambled to get out of the window and onto the sheet. Amelia lurched forward and made a grab for his back leg but thankfully missed.

“Faster!” Simba cried, and I thought that he was going to climb right over me. Staring at the back end of him was less than pleasant, and he had the horrible habit of farting when he was afraid. I did not want to be downwind from him at any time much less right now. I stopped cold; All of the sudden it was as if we were moving in reverse.

“What’s happening?” I shouted to him.

“She’s pulling the sheets back up to the window!”

I looked down and realized that we were now almost 10 feet off the ground and rising. We had no choice but to jump. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“WE HAVE TO JUMP!” I yelled, “NOW!”

I prayed that Simba would blindly follow my instructions and that we would land safely. As we barreled to the ground a hundred thoughts went through my mind; Would we escape? Would the fall break our legs? How am I going to get out of these pink pyjamas?

THUD. I hit the ground feet first and was grateful that the ground was soft. I expected another THUD, seconds after I had landed, that would let me know that Simba had landed safely, but it never happened.

I looked up to the window, and there was Amelia. She was holding Simba at the same time that she slammed the window shut. He had once again been captured, and it was up to me to save him.

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Seabass’ Diary… Day 155…Prince of Darkness

You didn’t think I forgot to write this post, did you? 🙂 I’ve been saving it for Black Cat Appreciation Day which is today; Talk about a great way to celebrate with my black, house panther Seabass and his diary of adventure!

August 17, 2017-I stared at Simba for a second and waited for the sound of footsteps thudding down the staircase to cease; I had to be sure that Amelia wasn’t returning.

I counted to ten and then blew out a sigh, “This is insanity!” I shouted. “We are literally being held captive by a child! A CHILD!” I repeated. “By the way, you look ridiculous!” I snorted at Simba.

“I look ridiculous…really?” Simba said and rolled his eyes so hard that I was certain they would fall right out of his head and onto the floor.

“Nevermind, get this off of me and let’s get out of here before she gets back!” I hissed.

I jumped out of the carriage, and Simba followed suit. The pink pyjamas tangled around my feet and I fell flat on my face. “Don’t even…” I said as I glared at Simba who was covering his mouth with both paws as he tried to force the laughter back down to his gut. He could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t kidding.

“Hold still!” He commanded as he tugged on the zipper of the pink pyjamas. “It’s stuck.”

“What do you mean it’s stuck?” I said.

“I mean it’s stuck, your hair is stuck in between the teeth of the zipper; I can’t get it down!”

I started to panic. The only way I was getting out of these pyjamas was with the assistance of someone else. Amelia zipped me up so that the zipper was on my back and not in the front and there was no way I could reach it by myself.

“We need to get out of here!” Simba said as he slid the blue, frilly night gown over his head and tossed it into the corner. I knew he was trying to annoy me on purpose by doing this, but I ignored his feeble attempt at humour.

“And how do you suppose we do that? The door is shut, and we can’t reach the doorknob.”  He was really starting to get under my skin.

“The window,” Simba said as he pointed to the sill. He jumped up gracefully, took out his sharpest claw and slashed an opening in the screen that we could both fit through.

“After you My Lady,” Simba said with a stupid grin plastered across his face.

“You shall address me properly…I am His Lordship or The Prince of Darkness,” I spat as I brushed a pink frill out of my face and headed for the window.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 154…Not so Fast!

August 7, 2017-Amelia squealed with delight. She brought me over to a full-length mirror and said, “You’re such a pretty kitty!”  I stared back at my reflection; I looked absolutely ridiculous and hated myself for letting her humiliate me this way.

She placed me into some sort of carriage that is used for human babies and shoved a pacifier in my mouth. I’m not going to lie; I didn’t hate it. She left me, and I watched as she waltzed across the room to capture Simba. Finally, it was his turn.

I watched as Amelia struggled to lift him because of his girth and chuckled inwardly at the stupid look plastered on his face; it was half terror, half repentance for laughing at me earlier.

While Amelia was distracted I looked around the room for the best possible exit; it would not be an easy escape, especially if we had to run right past her. Simba and I leaving separately was not an option; there was no way any one of us was getting left behind, it was just too dangerous. Who knew what Amelia was capable of? We’ve already seen what a monster she is, and that was a chance that I wasn’t willing to take.

Suddenly, as Amelia was lifting a sky blue princess dress over Simba’s arms and head, there was shouting from downstairs!

“Amelia! Time to go to Grandma’s!” the voice shouted from the bottom of the stairs. Our saviour! We would finally be free! My heart leaped out of my chest, and I could see the relief flood Simba’s face; soon this nightmare would be over!

“Coming mom!” Amelia shouted. She finished her work on Simba and looked at us menacingly and said, “You stay here kitties, I’ll be back soon.”

She plunked Simba down in the carriage with me and shut the bedroom door.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 153…Defeated

July 24, 2017- I looked to Simba for any sort of support or exit strategy, but he just sat there with a stupid look on his face and the tiniest bit of a smirk. I would battle with him later, but at this point, I needed to focus on getting away from Amelia and saving any shred of dignity that I had left. If she managed to wrestle me into the pink pyjamas that would be it…I could not go on. How could I ever look at myself in the mirror again if she defeated me?

She carried me over to the closet and sorted through outfit after pink outfit until she finally selected the perfect one. Let’s get one thing straight, I’m not opposed to wearing clothes, after all, I have a Batman shirt, multiple capes and of course a suit of armour but doesn’t everyone?

“OK! Let’s put these on!” Amelia squealed as she showed me a nightgown that had frills and ribbons and sequins. I shuddered and clenched my jaw. I wanted to fight back, I really did, but I had no choice but to just lay there and let her put the pyjamas on me. The last thing I wanted was to wear the pyjamas, but more importantly, I didn’t want to be seen as a monster, and  I knew that if I attacked her word would get out and no one would ever work for me again. My plans for world domination were more important than my pride at this second.

She slid the nightgown over my head and put my arms through the sleeves. There was snickering coming from the corner, and I wriggled around to witness Simba covering his mouth and trying not to laugh. Vengence would be mine as soon as I got out of here.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 152…Pink Pyjamas

July 17, 2017-Simba and I had heard stories about Amelia, but we didn’t want to believe them…we wanted to believe that no human could be that cruel and unusual. For a split second, I debated whether or not to scratch her eyes out, but I was truthfully frozen in fear. Amelia couldn’t have been more than five years old, but she was crazy in every sense of the word. She squeezed me tight and breathed in the scent of my fur.

“You’re a stinky kitty! You need a bath!” She shrieked and giggled. Hearing her laugh made my blood run cold. The words echoed in my mind…bath…a bath meant water and I hate water. There was no way that I was going down without a fight. I needed to act quickly but my mind was totally blank. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her but what other choice did I have?

I squirmed and wriggled as hard as I could in the hopes that she would release me but instead her grip tightened.

“Don’t let her take you to the next location! What are you doing? You Fool! Bite her already!” Simba screamed.

I couldn’t bite her…she was just a little girl. I’m a soldier, not a monster. I hissed as loud as I could and narrowed my eyes at Amelia. Perhaps if I frightened her enough she would back off! I hissed again and bared my teeth at her as I growled.

“Oh kitty doesn’t want a bath?” She sung. “But you’re supposed to have a bath before bedtime!”

I growled again and said a prayer. “Fine no bath tonight, but you need to put pyjamas on!” She carried me to the closet and picked out a frilly, pink, one piece pyjama suit.

Pink pyjamas? No…this wasn’t happening.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 151…A Grave Mistake

July 10, 2017-My head pounded in my ears and my mouth went dry. Amelia was coming for us and there was nowhere for us to escape her clutches.

Simba’s head whipped from side to side as he tried to find a path of least resistance. Amelia stood in front of us and reached down just as Simba shouted,”Follow me!”

I did as he commanded. We ran as fast as our legs would carry us and we managed to slide through Amelia’s legs.

“Naughty kitties!” She screamed and the sound of her laughing maniacally behind us sent shivers up my spine.

“She’s gaining on us!” I shouted to Simba.

“Up here!” He yelled and we raced up the staircase to the upper level of the house.

I heard Amelia’s footsteps stomp up the stairs after us. She was hot on our trail and it would only be a matter of time before she caught us for good.

“This way!” I said and pointed to a dark room Simba in after me and we heard the door slam as we huddled under the bed and braced for the worst.

“Silly cats! You come out from under there!” Amelia was crouching on the floor in front of us. My lungs burned and my legs ached and I wanted to go back to the prison, I wanted to be anywhere but here!

Amelia reached for me first and managed to scoop me up from my hiding place.

We had made a grave mistake. We should have never entered her room.

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Seabass’ Diary…Day 150…Amelia

Monday, July 3, 2017- I hated the sound of this. If it was who I thought it was we’d be better off taking our chances with Hugo and Dog.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked and tried to remain calm.

“Like I said, the only way out is through the central part of the house to the front door,” Simba said.

“We’re obviously going to be spotted if we prance up the staircase! What are we supposed to say? Oh sorry! We’ve been hiding in your basement, but we’d like to leave now,” I asked incredulously.

“We’ll have to wait until the household is asleep before we make our move.”

“Fine, but I swear on Bastet if we’re captured this is all your fault, and I’ll never speak to you again.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” Simba said. “Either way I win.”

“Not funny,” I said.

Suddenly a light flicked on, and there were voices at the top of the staircase.

“Quick, behind here!” Simba commanded. We crouched behind a large roll of insulation and held our breath as we watched.

Two men clomped down the stairs. They were wearing work boots and grubby clothes.

“We’ll need to start with the insulation,” the larger of the two men said, “Then we can move on to drywall and go from there.”

The other man stepped towards us. “What are we going to do?” I whispered to Simba.

“There’s only one thing we can do…run. On my count…1…2…3!” Simba shouted, and I tore up the staircase after him.

We reached the top of the landing and leaned against the wall to hold our breath. I watched as Simba’s chest heaved from the exertion when all of the sudden my heart dropped into my stomach.

“Oh what a nice kitty! Wait! There’s two!” she shrieked with excitement.

My biggest fear had been realized; It was Amelia, and she was the stuff that nightmares are made of.

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