August 23, 2016-I awoke the next morning in my lair and remembered what a wonderful dream I had. There I was, the leader of the free world! I had appointed Stinky as the commander in chief and Bandit was my vice president; we were sitting around a large table discussing our next military move for a hostile takeover.
I stayed in my lair for awhile and finally ventured up the stairs to the main floor of the prison. The small, stupid human was sitting with Simba on her lap; he purred incessantly and I rolled my eyes at him…he was trying way too hard for her affection. Besides, she gave it freely so why would he bother to be so nice? I admired my reflection for a moment as I passed the full length mirror in the hallway…I was beautiful and I knew it. No wonder I was so famous! I liked to think of myself as a triple threat-stunningly handsome, terrifyingly intelligent and extremely resourceful.
As I was grooming myself in front of the small, stupid human and Simba, the large, stupid human chugged out of the nest room. “We need to figure something out for these cats,” he said, “This is getting crazy! We should be able to leave them alone and not have our house destroyed each time we come back!” I looked at him incredulously…destroyed? Umm…no. I was simply saving the world from itself by capturing bad humans…well at least that was the last instance of my heroics. Everything before that…debatable.
The small, stupid human shook her head in agreement, “I have an idea,” she said, “What about a babysitter?” The large, stupid one raised and eyebrow and stood silent for a second, “Seriously?” I laughed out loud at the statement and returned to grooming my luxurious coat, one could never be too ready to be photographed by the press. Besides, no “babysitter” would be able to handle me, I was too independent. On second thought…it might be fun to see them try.