August 10, 2016-I put all of the items into my virtual shopping cart and clicked on express/same day shipping. The receipt said that my order would be here no later than five pm-that was going to be a bit of a problem because the stupid humans would not be gone yet. I took a deep breath and decided that I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I grabbed my voice recorder again and started making notes.
“5 p.m.-shipment arrives. 5:15 p.m unpack shipment. 5:20 p.m take a break. 5:30 p.m stare down the horrible squirrel that taunts me from the back yard.” Things were moving along quite swimmingly and I was pleased with my time management skills. I took a quick nap and dreamt of how satisfying it would be to use my new taser on the tall, thin human.
At precisely 5 p.m the prison front bell rang. I gritted my teeth and waited for the small, stupid human to answer it. I had no idea what my plan of distraction would be but it didn’t matter because I was incredibly good at thinking on my feet. I waited for the sound of her footsteps but they never came. The bell rang again…no answer. Was it possible that the small, stupid human and the large stupid, human were dead? I supposed anything was possible.
I peered through the front door mail slit and saw the Amazon’s truck drive away-my package sat on the stoop. I placed my hand on the prison door and was just about to open it when I heard a muffled sound behind me. I quickly slipped into the stairwell and hid in the shadows. I peeked around the banister-it was only Simba. “Good Morning, I trust you slept well?” I asked unassumingly. Simba rubbed his eyes and stretched, “Yes…what are you doing?” he said with a raised eyebrow. I smiled my best smile and said, “You don’t want to know.” For a split second he paused, “You’re right…” he said and turned on his heels and went back to the nest.