May 9, 2016-I awoke in the early morning to the sound of birds chirping. What a hideous existence-what did they have to sing about? It would be a few hours until the wedlock happened but this was preferred because I had much to prepare. The small, stupid human would be working the late shift so she was still sound asleep in her nest when the doorbell rang.
She awoke from her slumber and trotted to the front of the prison. She opened the door groggily and accepted a package; the outside of it read AMAZON. Excellent! My purchases had arrived! She put the box down and returned with a pair of cutting instruments; she looked inside of the box and she suddenly jolted awake. “Why would he order a machete and catnip?” she said. She shrugged her shoulders and retreated to the nest again.
Things were progressing swimmingly! I jumped into the box and tipped it over so that I could handle it’s contents; the machete gleamed in the sunlight and I wielded it like King Arthur with his Excalibur. I felt unstoppable and all powerful! I must hasten to unpack the rest of the box before the small, stupid human woke again to find the things missing. Simba slept soundly beside her as I entered the room. If only he knew what would take place later that night under a cloak of darkness, he would’ve not slept so peacefully.
I looked at my watch and counted down the hours-it was precisely T-Minus 3 hours and 40 seconds before the launch of my master plan. I was ready! I wanted to have some catnip SO badly but I feared it would delay my much needed skills and reflexes…it would have to wait until after the job was done. Plus, it made me ravenously hungry.