May 6, 2016-I went to the internet machine and Googled the word, Marriage, on the interwebs. Yuck. According to something called Wikipedia, Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws, as well as society in general.
Wed-lock…sounds like another name for a prison…hmm. My question is why the hell would anyone agree to a legal contract that outlines rights and obligations of someone, (especially with someone called in-laws…sounds scary) aren’t stupid humans smarter than that? Perhaps I just answered my own question…Anyway, back to the task at hand; Now that I knew what a marriage was, I knew what Simba was up to for sure. He was going to hijack the catering truck and consume all of the delicacies himself and distribute them among his hired minions! Not on my watch! If he was going to get delicious meats and cheeses so was I, he would NOT stop me…NO ONE would stop me! I would allow him to execute his feeble plan and then I’d swoop down at the last minute and take charge…this is how proper villains work- they allow others to do the work and then take all the glory.
According to the map I found the marriage would take place tomorrow just, a few houses down from the prison. This was especially fortuitous because I would no longer have to rent an armoured car to get there. Since the warden and the large, stupid human were at their laborious jobs, I had all the time in the world to do my detective work…apparently you can have anything and I mean ANYTHING delivered right to your door. I ordered many things; a new scratching post, a box of delectable treats, a machete, rope, night vision goggles, and a delightful mask to hide my identity! Oh and fourteen bags of catnip…for the after party of course. I rubbed my paws together and waited for something called AMAZON to arrive.