Interview With a Mad Man…Seabass

Seabass has been receiving a lot of fan mail as of late so he’s decided to answer his  reader’s most burning questions. Simba sat down with the evil genius to find out exactly what he’s all about.

Simba: “You have a lot of fans, you realize that yes?”

Seabass: Smiles, “I know, from what I understand they reach as far as Russia!”

Simba: Raises an eyebrow, “Let’s get started, first question, are you ready?”

Seabass: “I was born ready.”

Simba:”What is your favourite band?”

Seabass: “Black Sabbath…I feel a particular closeness to Ozzy Osbourne, after all, he is named the Prince of Darkness and that resonates with me…Also I’ve also bitten the head off of a live bat once or twice in my lifetime, so we have that in common.”

Simba: Shakes his head in disbelief, “What is your favourite Song?”
Seabass: “Highway to Hell, this song makes me nostalgic for home…”

Simba: “Okay…then..yes..what is your favourite colour?”

Seabass: “Black…because it’s the colour of my soul.”

Simba: Just stares at Seabass…”Oh dear…moving on, What are your special skills?”

Seabass:”I am an ex mercenary, with a third degree black belt and have extensive training in negotiating, hostage situations (in terms of taking hostages) and sniping. My stalking skills are unmatched…I’m a finely tuned killing machine.”  Does not break eye contact with Simba.

Simba:”Oh…My…Uh..” (Shudders and shuffles papers uncomfortably..)

Seabass: “Next question…” (Slams his fist on the table)

Simba:”Uhh…Ok…Uh..What do you do in your free time?” nervously asks.

Seabass: “Wow!” Cracks his knuckles, “Ok so when you try and take over the world you don’t have a lot of free time ya know?…(smiles and laughs maniacally) I do have quite a lot of fun torturing stupid humans though, it brings a lot of brightness to my day!”

Simba: Shifts his weight, won’t make eye contact, “That’s sick.” whisper tone.

Seabass: “What did you say?” eyes gleaming with anger.

Simba: “Umm, nothing, I didn’t say…” trails off.

Seabass: Stands up and narrows his eyes at Simba, “I heard what you said, be a man and say it to my face!”

Simba: Starts shaking, “I didn’t…”

Seabass: Flips the table over and walks out, “This interview is over! Go F%$# yourself!”

Simba: Looks at the mess incredulously, keeps his composure, “Thank you for joining us…an interview with a mad man indeed.”



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