April 12, 2016-I had come up with the perfect plan to eliminate Simbicile! If I could pat myself on the back I would because I deserved it for being so clever. I emerged from my hiding spot and went to spend some time stalking my prey. I would have to know his habits, his daily routine as it were, in order to make the most of my revenge.
Simbicile was laying in a puddle of sunlight in the living room and was snoring ever so slightly .It looked like The Sunbeam had claimed yet another victim. I snickered to myself as I surveyed the fat cat…He was so pudgy and round, this would be easier than I thought! He lifted his head ever so slightly to canvass the room around him but alas, he could not detect me. I was a mere figment of his imagination. He groomed himself for a moment and it looked to me as if he was made of butter or had no bones…he was just a pile of fluff, a pillow with legs.
Part one of my plan was about to be executed and oh how glorious it would be! I raced to the eating room table and pulled down the cloth that was covering it, objects crashed to the floor with a thunderous smash! There was a container holding foliage that tipped over and caused water to splash all over the floor. What a glorious mess! Simbicile came rushing over to see what all the commotion was about, his eyes looked as big as saucers! I laid in wait; I had an excellent vantage point on top of a chair cushion that was securely pushed under the table. I would be invisible to anyone who entered the room. Simbicile waddled over to the foliage that was strewn all over the floor and started to crunch on some leaves…I must admit they are delicious and he could clearly use more greens in his diet.
The small, stupid human entered the room and let out a shriek! She looked at Simbicile who was on top of the rubble and scooped him up. She shook her head in disbelief then wagged her wretched finger at him and said he was a “naughty kitty!” She put him in the shoe room and shut the door-he whined in anger and I could make out some of the things he was calling me. I laughed maniacally and changed positions to make it look like I had just emerged from my lair when the small, stupid human returned to the mess. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow as she said, “I expected this from you but not him!” Excellent. My plan was working perfectly. She cleaned up the mess which seemed to take forever and I weaved in and out of her legs, all while brushing up against her. I know…it took every fibre of my being not to lash out at her and destroy her but this was all part of my plan. She scooped me up and said, “I’m sorry I thought it was you!” I vomited ever so slightly in my mouth…oh how I hated her. Simbicile could still be heard yelling from the shoe room at the top of his voice. The small, stupid human was still restraining me and we walked over to the closed door. She opened it and there stood Simbicile with a shocked look on his face…he could not believe what was happening. The small stupid human was carrying me instead of him? How could this be? His face clearly asked. I smiled an evil smile at him from atop the small, stupid human’s shoulder…my plan was working…the golden feline had fallen from grace and his fall would be a long one.