April 9, 2016- It was an hour before the small, stupid human finally arrived home. I could hear her call for me and I noticed the panic in her voice; this pleased me immensely and I made myself even more comfortable.

The large, stupid human muttered something under his breath and I felt the ceiling shake under me; there was a loud, “Thump,” and my eyes widened. It happened again, “Thump,” and suddenly a ray of light shattered the darkness. A small mirror and a flashlight appeared through a modest sized hole and I heard the large, stupid human say, “There you are you little B#@$%&!” The small, stupid one told him to not to call me that and that it was his fault that I was in this situation to begin with. Excellent, my master plan was working and soon they would be divided.

I began to groom myself when the ceiling shook again, this time the large, stupid human’s head popped through the hole he had made with some sort of metal pounding device. I rolled my eyes, he couldn’t be serious! Who tears down their own ceiling?! He narrowed his eyes at me when he realized that the hole he had constructed was just inches too far from capturing me. HAHAHA! I laughed maniacally. What an idiot! I could hear the small, stupid human pleading with me again to reveal myself but there was no way I was coming down, I liked it up here and enjoyed being completely out of reach. A few moment’s later the bottom of the…or wait…possibly the top of the ceiling…maybe it’s the…well, the place that I was laying on collapsed and I found myself in the arms of the large, stupid human. He had extracted me through nothing smaller than a four foot hole he had cut out to free me. I leapt down from his grip and raced up the staircase, I proceeded to stretch out on the new carpet and left a long black trail of dust and dirt in my wake. The small, stupid chased after me but what happened next still haunts my dreams…